Can somebody please let me know how my essay sounds? It would be great help! :)
Northwestern Statement: What are the unique qualities of Northwestern - and of the specific undergraduate school to which you are applying - that make you want to attend the University? In what ways do you hope to take advantage of the qualities you have identified? (250 words)
One In A Million
Despite the fact that Northwestern University has a low acceptance rate of only 13.9%, why did I choose to apply? Perhaps as an applicant, I am not one in a million, but as a college, Northwestern University unquestionably is. Beginning from the breathtaking Evanston campus on the shores of Lake Michigan, to the top-notch academics, Northwestern is an absolute stunner.
As an undergraduate international student seeking to major in Computer Science, the most ideal place for me to study in is the McCormick School of Engineering and Applied Science. I eagerly look forward to taking advantage of the endless opportunities offered by the variety of labs at McCormick.
Throughout my high-school career, I was deeply involved with serving the community and promoting environmental sustainability. Apart from having an evergreen campus, Northwestern is also one of the top 10 universities purchasing energy from renewable sources. Furthermore, it has a specific recycling program. Participating in this program will help me to serve both mother nature, as well as the campus and my future acquaintances.
Speaking of whom, Northwestern University's undergraduate program has a perfect conglomeration of students from numerous ethnicity. Socializing with my fellow classmates will allow me to strengthen my interactive and team building skills.
On the whole, Northwestern University provides an incredible platform for education, diversely cultured campus life, athletics, as well as excellent faculty and alumni. Indeed, these unique qualities make Northwestern University one in a million and it would be an honor for me to be a part of and to serve to enhance the Northwestern pride.
Holt Educational Consultant - / 11,942 3851
Nafisa, your response sounds more like a travelogue than a well thought analysis of why you chose to apply for admission to Northwestern. There is no sense of academic connection nor social interest in what the school has to offer. For example, you state that the McCormick School of Engineering and Applied Science is the best place for you to learn and yet, you did not explain why you felt that is so. What is it about the academics of this department that appealed to you? What made their university stand out, academically in your eyes when there are other schools with better known programs in this field of study?
Additionally, you do not make a social connection with Northwestern as a place for your emotional and social development. The description that you gave regarding the school using renewable energy and simply mentioning an interest to socialize with your classmates is not enough of a reason for the reviewer to believe that you will do well as a student at the university. There is a lack of dedicated vision towards becoming a student, applying yourself while at the university, and embodying the beliefs of a Northwestern alumna in your response.
The best way to address the problem with your response is to look deeper into the reasons behind your desire to attend the university. Look into the curriculum, training programs, and social offerings that may appeal to your interest in the university and discuss it in the essay. There is absolutely no need to fall back on a discussion about your high school days because those days will not be applicable to your future life as a college student at this university. Everything changes once you step outside your comfort zone and into the new world of college.