Discuss an accomplishment or event that marked your transition from childhood to adulthood
There are many things that shape me into the person I am today. But there is only one occasion that solidly marked my transition from my childhood.
I was bored, walking alone one afternoon around the new neighborhood I had just moved in when a ball slowly rolled to my feet. Casually, I kicked it back and somehow it turned into an amazing goal. The kids applauded and pulled me in for a random soccer game. That was how it all started when I began growing fond of soccer.
Bringing my childhood hobby to secondary school, I signed up for a soccer club. There are two teams divided, one for amateurs and the other for the professionals. As a newbie, I was put in training with other beginners. Day by day, I practiced in the backup team while looking at the other team training across the stadium, wishing to soon be one of them. I cannot stop imagining myself wearing my school's jersey and playing along with many talented players in front of admiring eyes of people. At that moment, being qualified for the school team was the dream.
However, as one semester had gone by, no progress was made, and no more patience was left on my part. My teammates told me that there was very little chance to be transferred to the professional team. Knowing that this would be harder that I had imagined, I felt hopeless and demotivated. I came home that day with a heavy mind, wondering if my dream would be impossible to chase. When I walked through the playground where kids were playing soccer, the image of my ambitious self that day flashed back. Would I fail myself if I gave up now?
Determined to keep going, I practiced harder and looked for every chance to impress the coach. Until one day, a student from the school team suffered an injury. It was a critical time since an important match was coming close. Surprisingly, the coach selected me to temporarily substitute his. I knew immediately that my opportunity had come. Pulling off the best performance, I noticed at the side, my coach was nodding satisfactorily. He then told me how impressive he was and would like to give me a chance to participate in the school team.
As training progressed, many complicated exercises exposed my weakness. Luckily enough, my coach and teammates were very understanding to help me improve. After a month of training, I was officially qualified for a place in the official team for city tournament. Nevertheless, we failed people's expectation because the result went unexpectedly in the semi-final game that we bitterly lost to the other team. Despite the disappointment, the coach consoled me, taught me how to overcome the loss and turn it into a valuable lesson. I always remember those words, considering them my motivation. I might not succeed in the tournament, but what happened that day was a milestone, an important achievement of my life. The occasion established the sense of adulthood inside me, instilling me that you will succeed if you have passion with it.
Soccer is still my passion, but not a career that I plan to pursue. I found my huge potential and interest in chemistry. I was so obsessed when watching chemical reactions, how it changes in colors, textures, and forms. I always feel self-satisfied when a new chemical matter is created, just like when I score a wonderful goal. Setting aside soccer as a hobby, I devoted to excelling more in Chemistry. It doesn't feel like studying, but rather discovering new things. With my endless effort, I always gain remarkable achievements in Chemistry. Becoming a chemist and producing a groundbreaking substance for the human being are my dream now. Though it is far-reaching, it does not bother me anyway, just like I did with soccer. It is just the matter of how hard I try, how dedicated I am, and how long my patience lasts. Achieving accomplishment is a boundless journey and requires us to always keep striving for it.
Dear Tungphan, here are some advices for your essay,
Firstly, I would like to suggest you to write your essay in the form of passive sentences, or mix them with passive form.
There are many things that shape [...] that solidly marked my transition from my childhood --> we can simplify your thesis statement by writing: I have experienced a lot of things, but my turning point was started during my pre-adult ages.
can i give you little bit suggestion ?
1." Knowing that this would be harder ..." should be KNOWING THE FACT, IT would be DIFFICULT that i had imagined ( i think, it is more clearly)
2. "I found my huge potential and interest in chemistry" should be i found my huge potential and INTERESTED in chemistry (because you use conjunction "and", Then the first sentence have to be same with the second sentence)
thank you
Hi Tungphan, This is good writing, I just have some suggestions for you.
1. There are many things WHICH (it is better rather than using THAT) MAKE me becoming WHO I AM today.
2. "I was bored, walking alone one afternoon ...".
They should be: ONCE UPON A TIME IN THE AFTERNOON, I was bored WHEN I WALKED ALONE in around houses of my new neighborhoods.
3. "Day by day, I practiced in the backup team while looking at the other ..."
They should be: Day by day (day after day / day to day) I practiced FOOTBALL FROM THE BACKUP TEAM while I looking at the other team training it across the stadium. I HOPE I CAN BE ONE OF THEM IN THE FUTURE TIME.
