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How One Sees will Impact How One Succeeds - Cornell: College of Human Ecology


makman09 9 / 86  
Dec 26, 2011   #1
Prompt: What do you value about the College of Human Ecology perspective as you consider your academic goals and plans for the future? Reflect on our majors that interest you as you respond.

Cornell's College of Human Ecology appeals to me because it nurtures one doctrine that I believe in: How one sees will impact how one succeeds.

As a student in AP Environmental Science, I was given many insightful perspectives on how the world truly functioned around human policy, but one perspective that surprised me was giving aid to third world countries. There are charity organizations that use donated funds to aid the suffering of third world countries in forms of food, blankets, and water. This form of charity has noble intentions, but it also has ill endings. To realize this, one must change one's perspective from those suffering to the farmers of the third world nations. Since those who are suffering are getting free food and aid from charity organizations, the farmers have no demand for their crops and they go out of business which negatively impacts the nation's economy which in turn will make the suffering more dependent on aid from charity organization.

With this new perspective, effective policies on aiding third world nations can be made. Instead of donating aid, microloans can be given in which there is no interest and the loan can be recycled to help other in needs. In the end, one microloan can improve the economy of a third world nation while 1 ton of aid given for free can do the opposite. With a change in perspective, policies can be more effective

Cornell's College of Human Ecology puts high emphasis on perspective especially in the major of Policy Analysis and Management. The school offers many opportunities such as Capital Semester, Urban Semester, and Exchange programs to allow students to collect insightful perspectives in order for effective policies and efficient management to become possible. The school provides experience that is vital to any policy maker. The school also values the doctrine that I practice daily: How one sees will impact how one succeeds.

Tell me what you think about the essay. Give criticism and advice.

nr554 1 / 18  
Dec 26, 2011   #2
One thing - you used "effective" three times so change the diction.

Criticism: the last paragraph talks too much about what the school offers and how great it is for the specific field of study. The school already knows that and basically want to know how what you could bring to their already amazing program. If you would like to praise the program - do it in a short, simple sentence. Use the essay to talk about yourself and your plans for future in context of their college/let them imagine you at their university.

Overall excellent and wonderful!!
Good luck!
mwitkin 2 / 4  
Dec 27, 2011   #3
I think there is a lot of great stuff here. There is still room to make it more personal though-throw in some emotions and possibly an anecdote. Remember that admission officers want to understand the applicant past the manila folder and numbers, so adding personality to these is always a plus.
nr554 1 / 18  
Dec 27, 2011   #4
Since the suffering people are getting free food and aid from charity organizations, there --- OMIT farmers have no demand for their crop.

Cornell's College of Human Ecology puts high emphasis on perspective especially in the Policy Analysis and Management major .

ending is good how you tied your self to the essay and I like the re-write much better

Can you read my science and art re-write and critique it?
karissa_a16 4 / 94  
Dec 27, 2011   #5
If you talked more in detail about your personal discovery it would be better. It seems like an essay about charities at times.
OP makman09 9 / 86  
Dec 27, 2011   #6
@karissa-a16
could you clarify. I don't get what you mean.
karissa_a16 4 / 94  
Dec 27, 2011   #7
Like if you described how you came to the discovery here:
As a student in AP Environmental Science, I was given many insightful perspectives

If you focused on that I would find it more interesting personally.
GraceTaylorWei 12 / 41  
Dec 27, 2011   #8
"Instead of donating monetary aid"

to offers <-- should be "to offer"

To be honest, I'm not sure how well the admission officers will take discussion about religion. However, I understand you're trying to say it's a part of the reason why you want to study at Cornell, but perhaps be more general instead of pinpointing a specific religion.

Could you read my Common App essay - "Sign up" ? You're an excellent editor!

Best of luck
fiyero49 3 / 5  
Dec 28, 2011   #9
I really do like this essay quite a bit. The only thing that sticks out to me that should be changed is near the end you use the phrase "utilize Cornell's tools" a few times. Please change the diction. I'm a tad exhausted to find specific places to add more personal touches, but it would not be in vain to try to weave in more about YOU and WHY you want to do the things, what makes you interested, how it makes you feel, etc. I get a sense of who you are throughout, but I want to see that in addition to being driven to accomplish these things you will benefit from them personally. Including more of that will make the reader connect to you as a fellow person more easily rather than being impressed with you.


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