Hello! I'm new here and hope to get some feedback on this essay I've written. Any proof reading and feedback is appreciated!
Note: I am under a british education system hence the difference in the spelling of many words :D
2.Describe an experience of cultural difference, positive or negative, you have had or observed. What did you learn from it?
Although Singapore is often described as a cultural mosaic of different cultures and races, many Singaporeans have a slightly skewed perception of certain ethnic groups and races. Caucasians, in particular Americans, fall into one of two groups: the unintelligent and burger-chomping tourists or the chauvinistic foreign talent here to steal the jobs of hard working Singaporeans. As the majority of Singaporeans are Asian, interactions between those of western cultures are few and far between.
I was fourteen when I 'met' Nolan for the first time on an online community of writers. He had written an insightful piece about a character from a television show and I was slightly stunned that he had such maturity and depth in his writing. I was further taken aback when I found out that he was American! Here was a guy who did not fall into either of the above mentioned groups or the superficial American youth I was accustomed to seeing on television.
We somehow became friends even with all my previous misgivings and it was then that I truly learnt that although our cultures are different, neither one was good or bad. He was open about his homosexuality which is a taboo topic in Chinese society, where it is even punishable by law to be a homosexual. Through him, I became less judgemental and slowly accepted same-sex relationships. It helped me save a friendship with a friend who came out of the closet. The 'old me' might have pushed her away in disgust. I began to view relationship dynamics differently, that it is not between a man and a woman, but between two individuals who loved each other.
When Nolan first enquired why I disliked a certain group of people, I could not answer and it dawned on me I had no real reason to do so. I realised that all the previous perceptions I had of others who were different from me all originated from ignorance and mostly fear. Misconceptions and intolerance in society often stem from the same reason as society, when reduced to its most primal state, is just a group of people living together.
Some in my society view those who embrace a different culture synonymous to losing your own. I beg to differ. I was exposed and had integrated certain elements from Nolan's culture into my life but I still follow many traditional Chinese customs such as dressing in auspicious colour on Chinese New Year and practicing filial piety which is significant in my culture. I discovered that there were more to Americans than burgers, and that including certain aspects of different cultures to your own can only enrich your life and inspire you to become more grounded a person.
You have an interesting essay to read. Following are some of my suggestions;
Caucasians, in particular Americans, fall into one of the two groups;
As the majority of Singaporeans are Asian, interactions between those of western cultures are few and far between . --------For me, the idea is not so clear, especially the idea of the part in red.
He had written an insightful piece about a character from a television show and I was slightly stunned that he had such maturity and depth in his writing.
We somehow became friends even withdespite of all my previous misgivingsmisconceptions and it was then that I truly learnt that although our cultures are different, neither one was good or bad.
I began to view relationship dynamics differently, that it is not between a man and a woman, but between two individuals who loved each other.
Thank you for your comments!
As the majority of Singaporeans are Asian, interactions between those of western cultures are few and far between. --------For me, the idea is not so clear, especially the idea of the part in red.
Yes, it does seem vague. Does it flow better if I replace it with
As the majority of Singaporeans are Asian, interactions with Caucasians are few and far between.
