"open environment" - Why i choose to apply to UCF?

The key to a great successful future is the acceptation and motivation of being a part of a great school. There are many great and fantastic schools in the state of Florida in which i can pursue my interests in engineering. I have been told and i am now totally convinced that U.C.F is the best and the only logical choice because U.C.F has the best engineering college in the whole state.

Being a part of a family where no one has graduated from college, i wish to be the first expection. I want a school where i can feel at home even when im away from my parents. I believe that U.C.F is just the school for that. I wish to be apart of a fantastic and nurturing learning environment. To me, my education is extremely important and where that learning takes place is jsut as importation, i need not only a great learning environment but also an unmatched social and local environment, which i believe can be found in U.C.F.

One of the most out standing features that i admire about U.C.F is the loss and open environment in which every student no matter what belief, culture, or race are have the same opportunity as the next. For these reasons and for so much more is why, not only would i be tremendously grateful but deeply honored that i have been accepted.

There is no clear paragraphing done here. The thought jumps from one idea to another.

Lacks very relevant specific examples to give a concrete proof of reasons.

Hi Walter,
Was "open environment" part of the prompt or is it your choice reason why for UCF? This is an important distinction for the focus of your essay. If either answer is YES, then indeed you need to elaborate on what of all the specific aspects you like about UCF - and try to avoid generic ones that could apply to any college anywhere - appeals to you most. Then tie this in to why it is right for you (what makes the perfect fit.) I have tried to point out some of the repetition and generalities here, as well as correct typos, improve wording:



GIVE SPECIFICS WHY IT IS THE "BEST"


DO YOU MEAN EXCEPTION?


just as important. BTW, THIS REPEATS THE SAME THING TWICE.


CAPITALIZE YOUR "I" PRONOUN.