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'open mind' - Diversity essay - How I can contribute?

pballe15 1 / -  
Jan 9, 2009   #1
I have to write an essay entitled: "How I can contribute to diversity at the University of *******"
its a 500 word essay for a minority scholarship. It has some serious errors and I need some help working them out, I still need to make it longer and am currently working on a conclusion.

If I can do anything for the community at the University of ******, contributing to its diversity is one of the things im best suited for. The experiences ive had with people from different cultures, the languages I speak and the fact that im from another country myself are just some of the things that help me bring diversity to a group. I was born in Argentina, which is something I dont have in common with most of the people around me. Even though I moved to the United states when I was three years old, I have been able to visit Argentina almost every year for summer or winter breaks and was even able to go to school for a couple weeks at a time there . Not only do I get to see my grandparents and extended family, but I am also able to learn about the country where I was born and make friends my age there, so I can better identify with both cultures

Argentina is not the only foreign country I have been to. I love to visit new places and meet people who are different from me and luckily, so do my parents. So I have been able to visit many countries in south america and europe with them. I have also been able to travel with my school to spain and stay in france with my uncle.

I enjoy learning from the people I meet in those places and hearing what they have to say about the world. Of course I also like to share what I learn with people back home. I think that one of the best ways to contribute to, and promote diversity in a group is by sharing experiences and opinions, and by being able to speak spanish and english fluently I can share these myself and help others share them by translating.

However, The most important thing I can contribute to diversity, is an open mind. I think it is very important idf two people are to gain anything from an interaction. I dont have a rigid set of beliefs, I like to hear new ideas and discuss them

EF_Constance - / 143  
Jan 9, 2009   #2
Well, I thought that this was a weak essay. It did answer the prompt...I suppose. I am sure that you have numerous ways that you can add to the diversity at the University of ***. If your travels and culture are all that you offer, most likely you will not be chosen because someone with a stronger essay who made sold themselves very well out shined your essay. One of the purposes of these essays is to see who you are, what you are about, and why you want to come to that college. Millions of people every year travel to South America and Europe. Millions of people are bilingual. What makes you different? What sets you apart form everyone of those people? Don't get me wrong. The basics of the essay are great, but I would add more of your qualities to the essay. You want to sound irresistible to the boards.

wongxy 14 / 53  
Jan 10, 2009   #3
You might wanna rethink the essay again. Diversity isn't just about the aspects that makes you different from others eg. the language you speak or where you live. It can be your character or behaviour to certain things. You might wanna narrow down which aspects you think sets you apart from others and write about those aspects in a more in-depth manner.

The open mind idea is fine cuz it shines a bit into your character. But a lot of people have an open mind too. So you'll have to figure that out.

All the best! :)
EF_Kevin 8 / 13,335 129  
Jan 10, 2009   #4
Even though I moved to the United states when I was three years old, I have been able to visit Argentina almost every year for summer or winter breaks and was even able to go to school for a couple weeks at a time there .

Instead of saying "even though," I think it would be great if you talk about this traveling back and forth, and the way you grew up into both cultures. You have a special background! Just by being there you contribute to diversity.

How do you contribute to diversity? It is a matter of bringing people together, mustering up communication. Can you talk about how you will spend your time on the campus, and perhaps get involved in more than one organization so that you will bridge the divide between cultures... um, somehow? I think you are very well-suited to contribute to diversity because of your background!
EF_Sean 6 / 3,491  
Jan 10, 2009   #5
In keeping with the other suggestions you've already been given, I'd say you should go into a lot more detail about your experiences if you want this to be a strong essay. So you have traveled to Argentina a lot and were born there. This has altered your perspective on the world, how, exactly? Give some specifics. Also, how has this and your other travels taught you to appreciate cultural diversity? It is entirely possible to go to all of the places you mention, stay in the Hilton, eat at McDonald's and other Western restaurants, and play the tourist without ever really having to leave your initial cultural comfort zone. Specific examples of what sort of experiences you had and how they taught you open-mindedness would go a lot further in convincing the reader that you are in fact an open-minded individual who prizes cultural diversity. Then, of course, you would have to say how you would use these qualities to enhance the university.
Baiwanyu 5 / 12  
Jan 11, 2009   #6
You mentioned that you have travelled to many places,like France. You may talk about what diffences in lifetstyle and views you discovered between these 2 cultures. If for me, an Asian, I will say that the French never work very hard and sacrifice their leisure time like Asians do. They value art and romance, not like Asians focus mainly on material needs. Then how you changed after staying in France and how you can call this new you different...Just my opinion:)

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