"He, who opens a school door, closes a prison";Stanford Sup/ What matters to you&

Prompt: What matters to you, and why? Feed back and help thanxx

"He, who opens a school door, closes a prison" is a proverb that has become true to my life. Victor Hugo's words have propelled me to seek an education in order to break the barriers imposed upon my culture. His words have allowed me to escape the prison of ignorance in which I have been wrapped in for so many years. A young Latino male growing up in the impoverished area of South Los Angeles has no chance of succeeding in life, or so I was made to believe. Deprived of a normal childhood, I was obligated to work incessantly in order to help provide for the financially unstable family l was born into. Statistics depict a dismal future in which a mediocre job will lead to my economic distress, yet I refuse to accept this future.

My honesty, my commitment, my dedication, my determination, and my desire to succeed portray a future where I will overcome the various obstacles that stand in my path. With education I will slay the stereotypes that exist. I will rise above the limitations and constraints that society has imposed upon me. The fact that my family has suffered through years of deprivation, degradation, discrimination, and exploitation cannot and will not change, but with education I will end the cycle of poverty that my family finds itself in.

I will not let my parent's suffering, sacrifice, and arduous labor be in vain, for I am determined to succeed in life. Education is an invaluable resource, yet many individuals in my community fail to recognize its value. But with education I will be able to accomplish what others deem impossible for me. Although I have had to work to help my family, I will never let anything from obtaining the education I so desire. I will continue to work hard in order to distinguish myself, for with education, my way to prosperity and success, I will pave a path for future generations to follow, thus "closing various prisons".

prety good!


Thank you for helping my Cornell essay!
Overall your essay is good. You clearly show us your idea. Maybe you can concretely show us how you decided not to give up education.

Wish you good luck!

It is obvoius what you are passionate about, it shows through the essay.
"Victor Hugo's words have propelled me to ...." i think you should mention that his words were add motivation you already had and not the only source of your motivation

I think if you were going to mention statistics, have a concrete source or avoid it

Second part of the essay shows what you would gain when you accomplish your goal, which is good but first mention what you have overcomed then lead on to what you stand to gain to show your motivation.

"Although I have had to work to help my family, I will never let anything from obtaining the education I so desire...": this sound weird. would your working prevent you from archieving your goal? fix the "although" or take it out

Overall, good essay, clear point, good flow need more personality

Thanks gor your comment, it was my first draft after 3 days of thinking.

Very emotional, personal essay!

Yet, there is irony, I find. Education costs a lot of fortunes, wouldn't that burden your family's financial instability?
Rather than being extreme or dramatizing your situation, you can soften your essay a bit.
Also, if you solely define education as an outbreak of poverty, the admission would not appreciate, as the university is exclusively looking for people pursuing "true education", not a means to do something else.

I tried to be as harsh as possible, to develop your essay as much as I can. So, don't be discouraged!

Cheers!

First of all, thank you for helping with my stanford essay!

Overall, it was a very powerful and intense essay but I think you need it make it more personal. Unless you are a very serious and passionate guy, the voice of the essay can be tweaked a little. But it was very well written and it felt really professional. Good luck to you too! :)