OPPORTUNIITIES; Course Transfer Essay from Psychology to Business

Hey, this is my first draft of the essay. I would appreciate any comments on how to improve it. Thanks!

Boarding school was the first time I had really had the opportunity to observe the lifestyle of someone other than my own family. It was the first time I noticed the delicate, yet sometimes painstaking decisions that my friends had to make to improve their lifestyle, from simple choices such as determining the most tranquil location to study to more complex and drastic actions like dividing the room in half (with red tape) to settle a dispute with their roommate. To be honest, while I was deeply concerned about the wellbeing of their friendship afterwards, I was equally, if not more intrigued with the extent they would go, even risking jeopardy to their friendship for the sake of a satisfying lifestyle.

It was a result of my experiences in hostel that I originally had, and even now still have, an interest in psychology. It was partially because of my desire to help people, but also because it satisfied my intellectual curiosity in equal part. The logic I had was that, if I wanted to help a person, I had to first understand the person. Yet a part of me was screaming out, saying that such was an inefficient way of helping people. Every individual can be said to be different, as have different experiences in life that change their perception, which in turn affects their behaviour. To study psychology, to learn how to understand individuals and groups behave is undoubtedly useful, yet through more recent experiences I believe that there is a more efficient way to reach my goal.

My inaugural introduction to business was in the year I enlisted. Youth for Causes was a social entrepreneurship project that I started with several friends which was successful as both a project and a learning experience. The idea of the project was to unify business principles with social ventures, manufacturing phone covers designed by beneficiaries which we sold for charity. Within a few months, we had tripled our initial capital. Yet my team and I were unsatisfied with the results, as we saw the potential in the concept to be a sustainable method of growth for the charity organization, which we had failed to implement.

Similar to Muhammad Yunus' Grameen Bank, which motivates their impoverished clients to tap into their potential and empowers them by offering them credit to change their lifestyles, the common trait among successful businesses is that they have the power to make a difference in the lifestyles of their clients. It was this power we wanted to help develop in the charity organization, invest in their human resources which were the artistic talents of their beneficiaries.

Currently, I see a business course as providing me with the widest set of opportunities, to arm myself with the ability to look at a set of factors or challenges and come up with a strategy and a clear direction. That, I would say would provide me the greatest depth and breath as a person and would allow me to reach closer to my idealistic goal to help as many people as I can.

First off, is there a prompt? It would help. Next, I loved when you talked about your own start-up business. If you are transferring into a business program, expand on that. Finally, proof-read, as there were many dependent clauses that didn't have its independent clause pair, and also some other grammatical errors, which mostly took place in the second paragraph.

... well, lifestyle is a way of life or style of living that reflects the attitudes and values of a person or group. However, in a boarding school the students come together not on permanant basis, but for a short period until they finish their college life. I wonder the life-style is most appropriate word in this scenario, because this group does not represent a continuous ongoing way of living. I wish you presented this idea in a different way;

Boarding school was the first time that I got the opportunity to live away from my family and to experience the world with a set of independent thinkers.


... I feel it is the fellowship and not lifestyle.

Sry for the extremely delayed reply... I wasn't around for some time and didnt have the chance to get down to rewriting my essay.


Thanks, I see what you mean. I think the way I presented my idea was convoluted and not direct enough.


Nope, there isnt a prompt. The requirement from the university is a 1000 word limit write-up explaining the reasons for my change in course.

I've expanded on my essay, restructured it and added in some new points. Would really appreciate if you guys could take a look at it again! I've proof-read it, if there're anymore dependent clauses that have problems could you help me point them out? :)

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Boarding school was the first time I had really had the opportunity to observe the life of someone other than my own family. It was the first time I noticed the intricate, yet sometimes painstaking decisions that my friends had to make to improve their lifestyle, from simple choices such as determining the most tranquil location to study to more complex and drastic actions like dividing the room in half (with red tape) to settle a dispute with their roommate. To be honest, while I was deeply concerned about the wellbeing of their friendship afterwards, I was equally, if not more intrigued with the extent they would go, even risking jeopardy to their friendship for the sake satisfying their lifestyle habits.

It was my experiences in hostel that cultivated my initial interest in psychology. Even now, it continues to appeal to me partially because of my desire to help people, but also because it piques my intellectual curiosity. In order to help someone, I believed that I had to first understand the person of interest, as every individual has a set of differing expectations and desires due to their varying perception in life. Yet as I learned more about psychology through my readings, I realised that as much as it is useful, a small voice inside was calling me towards something unknown and risky, yet more congruent with my personality.

It was during the year I enlisted which I had my first experience with business. That year, I started a social entrepreneurship with several friends, which involved designing and selling Iphone covers made by disabled but aspiring artists from a charity organization. As part of the Youth for Causes programme, we wanted to use the seed capital of $1600 that we were given to create a sustainable method for our beneficiaries to showcase their talents, while at the same time generating revenue for the organization and themselves. The idea of our project, "ARTventure", was to unify business principles with social ventures.

We wanted to motivate our beneficiaries to think like an entrepreneur, to be passionate and not to let their dreams be limited by their disabilities; similar to Muhammad Yunus' Grameen Bank, which motivates their impoverished clients to tap into their potential and empowers them by offering them credit to change their lives. Fortunately, within a few months we had managed to triple our initial capital of which all of it went to the organisation and its beneficiaries.

This experience with developing a business model and managing it showed me a glimpse into the world I am heading into and has been one my most meaningful experiences. Since then, reading books on economics and finance has become my best pastimes; it was through the books from renowned investors such as Warren Buffet and George Soros that I have recently found the confidence and courage to start trading in the US stock market. Investing with real, hard earned money was unlike the virtual simulators which I was used to, but above the desire to have my savings work for me, it is the experience and challenge that appeals to me, knowing well of the risks.

As a quote from Benjamin Graham describes, "An investor's frame of mind, his hopes and apprehensions, his dissatisfaction or discontent with what he has done, above all his decisions what to do next, are determined not in the retrospect of a lifetime of investment but rather by his experience year to year." Likewise, my current mindset has been shaped by my experiences in these past two years, which has lead me to the decision that SMU School of Business is the place I should be. SMU's multi disciplinary approach to education along with its unique pedagogy were reasons why I chose SMU and I believe these same points will be even more significant in the business industry, where innovative, impassioned and eloquent individuals truly excel.

With a place in SMU LKCSB BBM program, I hope to provide myself with the widest set of opportunities, to arm myself with the ability to look at a set of factors or challenges and come up with a strategy and a clear direction. That, I would say would provide me the greatest depth and breadth as a person and would allow me to reach closer to my idealistic goal to help as many people as I can.