Prompt:
Describe an experience of cultural difference, positive or negative, you have had or observed. What did you learn from it?
Response:
I don't have the privilege of being able to learn about other cultures by visiting another country or talking to family members. However, where I have grown up has given me the opportunity to experience Latin american culture in a way that can bring together an entire community.
In Santa Barbara we have a very large population of Latin-americans. We have lots of restaurants, neighborhoods, and even festivals that celebrate Latin american culture. One of the most important events is a festival called Old Spanish Days. During this week long festival we have many different celebrations. Some of these celebrations include traditional dancing in front of the Santa Barbara mission, a Mexican market with music throughout all of the days, and the famous parade called "El Desfile Historico." This parade has been going on for over 90 years and has floats that help tell stories of the history of the state, city, native Americans, and the Spanish pioneers. Also, the parade is one of the largest equestrian parades in the nation with over 600 horses. This festival is so important to our city, not just for the Hispanic population, but for everyone.
When I have observed and been a part of this festival, I have seen all the good it does for our city. Everyone from all walks of life, backgrounds, and traditions gets together to celebrate the historical and cultural influence of the the Spanish and Latin Americans. We have a large Asian-american community and we have many Caucasians. Even though the cultures are so different, we get together to celebrate as a community. This has taught me that even though there are major cultural differences among society, people can still get together and celebrate the differences and embrace other cultures.
Hey so some suggestions I can make is make a translation for "El Desfile Historico" it'll clear up any questions the reader has just by clearing up the name. Also instead of repeating "we have...we have..." describe them through story and your perspective.
Overall nice work and thanks for helping me!! :)
Julian, first of all, I don't see your essay doing well in writing off in a negative start.
So here's what I suggest;
- I don't have the privilege of being able to learn about other cultures by visiting another country or talking to family members. However,I have always shared the passion to learn more about others culture and where I have grown up has given me the opportunity to experience Latin american culture in a way that can bring together an entire community. ( as you can see there is a huge difference in the introduction as it is starting off in a positive approach.
-We have lots of restaurants, the neighborhoods ,
Well, the essay started not fairly well, however you managed to end it in a very positive approach and turn things around.
For future reference, learn how to open your essay positively and carry on through out the essay.
Julian, you need to rethink your approach to the prompt. You need to revise your opening statement to reflect that your exposure is mainly with the Latin American community. Your experience does not have to be, and is not expected to have come from travels either domestically or internationally. It can be anything from having a neighbor of a different race, or as in your case, simply observing an occasion celebrated by another culture that represents their traditions.
Rather than discussing the festival that the Latin Americans celebrate in your community in vivid detail, concentrate on focusing on the positive experiences that you had there. Note any negative interactions you might have had as well. Then make sure to compare these experiences with your own experience in your culture or family traditions. This is an essay about diversity so discussing two different cultures will not be frowned upon. Rather, the reviewer will tend to embrace it.
You can really approach this essay from a compare and contrast point since the essay asks you to describe your experience and your observations. By comparing the other culture with your own, you can then deduce that there are some things to be learned from both communities, most specially if there are certain similarities or shared traits between the two. By developing your essay response in this manner, you will be able to reflect a positive outlook regarding the experience and observations that you have come to understand.
