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I had the opportunity to watch a close friend of mine read her acceptance letter from Northwestern


xgchenx 2 / 5  
Oct 26, 2014   #1
Hi! So common app is due soon any edits ideas would be greatly appreciated.
My main concern is that I feel like there aren't enough qualities I highlighted. However, I'm already over the word limit(300) by around 20 :/ HELP!!!!

4 years ago, I had the opportunity to watch a close friend of mine read her acceptance letter from Northwestern University to the Bien School of Music. Through her hysterical crying I could tell that this was a life-changing moment for her. Visiting Northwestern multiple times over the course of High school, I've learned why Northwestern became both of our first choices. Beyond the regularities that quantify any top school- a diverse community, an accomplished staff, and an adept D1 athletic program - qualities like exposing students to real life applications as well as offering countless interns and job opportunities really sets Northwestern apart in my eyes. The prospect of spending weekends lying on the beautiful lake beaches or traveling to the great city of Chicago just adds on to the long list of great Northwestern qualities. Although my interests lie not in music, but in the McCormick School of Engineering, I still believe Northwestern is the perfect fit for me.

The first thing that attracts me to the School of engineering is the nationally and internationally recognized Design, Thinking and Communications class. The aspect that sets this course apart from any other first rate program is its focus on giving the students real world experience. Helping me develop communication and problem solving skills through real problems submitted by real clients is undoubtedly an invaluable experience that other universities cannot offer. Reading on how Sam Malin and other alumni have helped the community through projects such as developing prosthetic fitting solutions and designing low cost ventilation systems has inspired me to become a Northwestern engineer. I hope in the future I can take advantage of this opportunity to advance my intellectual prowess whilst solving some of the many dilemmas in society.

Being such a prestigious university, the Northwestern name has to compete with the likes of other top colleges in America. However, the real world experience McCormick exposes the students too, alongside numerous interns and job opportunities that awaits a Northwestern engineer is invaluable. These are among the reasons why I've decided to make Northwestern my number one.
tiffatiger 1 / 3 1  
Oct 26, 2014   #2
This is a well written essay, but I need to point out a few errors!
h igh school
School of E ngineering
However, the real world experience McCormick exposes the students too , alongside numerous interns and job opportunities that awaits a Northwestern engineer, is invaluable.

Perhaps to shorten your essay you can combine your two "real world experience" sentences. Since you also compare Northwestern to other universities in your body paragraph, you can join the two to make a stronger conclusion.
tranhm 3 / 7 1  
Oct 26, 2014   #3
Here are a few edits that I made. I just took out a few words. Some sentences repeated itself a little bit, so I combined them. Hope this helps a little bit. You might want to practice reading it aloud to yourself to see if the message says everything you want to say.

--------
Four years ago, I had the opportunity to watch a close friend of mine read her acceptance letter from Northwestern University for the Bien School of Music. Having the same admiration we have for Northwestern University and sharing in her joy of the moment, we understood that this was a life changing moment for her. Although my interests lie in the McCormick School of Engineering, I believe that Northwestern University is a top school that offers a diverse community, an accomplished staff, and an adept D1 athletic program - qualities like exposing students to real life applications as well as offering countless interns and job opportunities really sets Northwestern apart in my eyes. *It is the perfect school because of the it is within driving distance of beautiful cities and the great city of Chicago.

The first thing that attracts me to the School of Engineering is their nationally and internationally recognized Design, Thinking and Communications class. This is a first rate course that is focused on giving students a real world, hands on experience. Helping me develop communication and problem solving skills through application submitted by real clients will undoubtedly become an invaluable experience that no other university can offer. Reading on how Sam Malin and other alumni have helped the community through projects such as developing prosthetic fitting solutions and designing low cost ventilation systems has inspired me to become a Northwestern engineer. I hope in the future I can take advantage of this opportunity to advance my intellectual prowess whilst solving some of the many dilemmas in society today.

Being such a prestigious university, Northwestern competes alongside other top colleges in America. However, being a McCormick engineer would help to set me apart and give me invaluable experience and expose me to numerous internship and job opportunities. These are among the reasons why I've decided to make Northwestern my number one.
vangiespen - / 4,134 1449  
Oct 26, 2014   #4
Gene, the reason you went over the word limit is because you mentioned watching your friend read her acceptance letter does not have any relevance to your choice of Northwestern as your own university. By deleting that portion you will gain an extra 14 words that you can use to further develop your essay. Just talk about the points that matter to you. I would suggest using the following as a template for your future revisions instead:

Beyond the regularities that quantify any top school- a diverse community, an accomplished staff, and an adept D1 athletic program - qualities like exposing students to real life applications as well as offering countless interns and job opportunities really sets Northwestern apart in my eyes. The prospect of spending weekends lying on the beautiful lake beaches or traveling to the great city of Chicago just adds on to the long list of great Northwestern qualities. Although my interests lie not in music, but in the McCormick School of Engineering, I still believe Northwestern is the perfect fit for me.

The first thing that attracts me to the School of engineering is the nationally and internationally recognized Design, Thinking and Communications class. The aspect that sets this course apart from any other first rate program is its focus on giving the students real world experience. Helping me develop communication and problem solving skills through real problems submitted by real clients is undoubtedly an invaluable experience that other universities cannot offer. Reading on how Sam Malin and other alumni have helped the community through projects such as developing prosthetic fitting solutions and designing low cost ventilation systems has inspired me to become a Northwestern engineer. I hope in the future I can take advantage of this opportunity to advance my intellectual prowess whilst solving some of the many dilemmas in society.

Being such a prestigious university, the Northwestern name has to compete with the likes of other top colleges in America. However, the real world experience McCormick exposes the students too, alongside numerous interns and job opportunities that awaits a Northwestern engineer is invaluable. These are among the reasons why I've decided to make Northwestern my number one.


The version I highlighted is 286 words, it gives you room to play around if you wish :-)
OP xgchenx 2 / 5  
Oct 26, 2014   #5
Haha thanks a ton! I guess it really wasn't needed, waste of 62 words.

Thanks Trahm and tifatiger as well!


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