I have reached the limit of both promts so this is a kinda short essay.
Please feel free to comment and to criticize. Gracious!
Tell us about a personal quality, talent, accomplishment, contribution or experience that is important to you. What about this quality or accomplishment makes you proud, and how does it relate to the person you are?"
Optimism is one of the most radiating qualities I have. Being raised in a family that is always overwhelmed with energy and liveliness, I have developed a cheerful personality which allows me to see difficulties and emotional swings through a positive angle. Such readiness to accept failures has injected me with determination to persist when I was learning how to play the piano, for I have learned to defeat frustration by getting four piano certificates in six years. Also, such quality has made me a helpful person, for I always have the intention to help people out through influencing them with my positive attitude. For example, I acted as a voluntary tutorial teacher in a remedial course for English as a second language students when I was in my secondary school in Hong Kong.
Currently, I am also the President of De Anza International Student Association, and the reason for starting this club is simply because I hope to provide chances for international students, who might be undergoing insecurities towards a new environment, to meet friends they can relate themselves to. Furthermore, my positive character has succeeded my foreign exchange year in Alabama during 2006-2007. I was able to learn the American Culture with an opened mind, and get myself involved through interacting closely with my host family and friends.
Looking back all the accomplishments I have made throughout these years, I have realized that "optimism" does play a significant role. It allows me to adapt myself to different environments with the willingness to face challenges, and inspires me to be more helpful through affecting people with my positive insight towards life.
I can see that you have many good ideas. you point out how your family, playing piano, and being an English tutor helped shape your personality, but you don't explain how they did that and what the significant meanings these things brought you. So I think you have some good raw ideas, but you needa dig deeper and show that you're a deep thinker.
