any feedback or constructive criticism would be appreciated.
prompt: Beyond your impressive academic credentials and extra curricular accomplishments, what else makes you unique and colorful? We know nobody fits neatly into 500 words or less, but you can provide us with some suggestion of the type of person you are. Anything goes! Inspire us, impress us, or just make us laugh. Think of this optional opportunity as show and tell by proxy and with an attitude
At the start, I am considered an average human being containing a random set of 23 chromosomes received automatically from both of my parents to help create my identity. I feel and believe that I am a small part in a vast universe; I am a blade of grass in millions of acres of fields. However, I know this is not true. As Walt Whitman said, "Do I contradict myself? Very well then I contradict myself!"
I am much more than a number or another statistic. I am much more than the amount of exhausting AP classes or the good grades I had to take for the chance to go to my dream college to get my dream job to live my dream life. I am much more than the clubs I participated in tirelessly and the clothes I wore or the hairstyles I chose. These things do not define me as a whole, and I would never let them. And I am definitely too much to fit into a mere 500 word essay.
I am Mahlet Haile, eldest child to first generation refugees from Eritrea and Ethiopia that always pushed me to do my best and to take every opportunity that they did not have. I am Mahlet Haile, a girl who enjoys sitting in my backyard during the springtime, under the tree with beautiful pink blossoms that don't smell as beautiful, just to get a break from a stressful day. I am Mahlet Haile, an avid traveler and explorer that hopes to one day climb up the Great Wall of China or ride a camel to the pyramids in Giza. I am Mahlet Haile, the uncoordinated teenage girl with the scar on her left leg because she fell off the lunch table in eighth grade. I am Mahlet Haile, the girl who took 14 years to embrace her identity. My past, present, and future are all aspects of my true identity; the identity that I singlehandedly created myself, not just things I was born with and received by default. If I end up being successful, then so be it because I know I would have been the creator of my successes. The choices I make daily affect all aspects of me. I believe that we have the power in our fates and we are the cause for our victories and our failures.
The parts of me that make me, me, are unique to one person in this universe; me. I sing in the shower and put barbecue sauce on anything and everything. I hate the sound of mechanical pencils or Styrofoam rubbing together. I'm a nervous and carefree person, a walking contradiction. Is it so bad to be a contradiction? As humans, do we not have multiple aspects to one person?
please help its urgent
Great essay and perfect for the prompt provided. I believe you answered every part. There are only a few things: 1) Including a quote from a famous individual is a little risky because colleges do not want to see an essay that you write for your English teacher. Then again, the way you but it was simple, but I also think that you could develop it even more if you are going to quote someone as part of your essay. And 2) I don't suggest that you end with a rhetorical-like question, especially since they are the ones asking the question. I suggest you do a spin around type of conclusion in which you sort of refer back to the situation you described in the beginning in a clever way. Maybe, using similar adjectives or scenarios. Overall, I really like this essay and it seems like the type of essay the college wants and enjoys to read. Good Luck!
