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"orchestra class" - UVA Supplemental Essay


lrnsmith09 5 / 11  
Dec 27, 2008   #1
I haven't quite finished it yet but I was wondering if I could get someone's opinion on what I have so far.
Here's the prompt:
What work of art,science, mathematics, or literature has surprised, unsettled, or challenged you and in what way?

And here is the intro to my essay:

There I was sitting in orchestra classs playing one of the most beautiful instruments know to man and all I could think was "why is this happening to me?" I couldn't fathom why some would write a piece as popular as Canon in D and completely desregard the depth and resonance that the sound of the cello carries. My teacher tried to console me, tried to reassure me that my part was as important as any other and that one mistake from me and the whole piece would be ruined,but I could'nt hear him. All I could here was the beautiful melodies that the violons and violas were playing dancing thourhg the air and seemingly mocking me and my eight continuous quarter notes...

Am I off to a good start? do you think it adresses the prompt?

Thanks!
EF_Sean 6 / 3,491  
Dec 27, 2008   #2
Assuming that you are going to go on to talk about how you dealt with the challenge presented to you by Canon in D, then yes, it addresses the prompt. Your writing style is smooth and polished, which is good. Now you just need to finish it.
EF_Kevin 8 / 13,321 129  
Dec 28, 2008   #3
There I was, sitting in orchestra class and playing one of the most beautiful instruments know to man and all I could think was "why is this happening to me?" I couldn't fathom why some would write a piece as popular as Canon in D and completely disregard the depth and resonance that the sound of the cello carries. My teacher tried to console me, tried to reassure me that my part was as important as any other and that one mistake from me and the whole piece would be ruined,but I couldn't hear him. All I could hear was the beautiful melodies that the violons and violas were playing dancing though the air and seemingly mocking me and my eight continuous quarter notes...

Yes, off to a good start! Watch the spelling.
OP lrnsmith09 5 / 11  
Dec 30, 2008   #4
This is a different essay but it is still a UVA supplement so I am posting it under the same thread : )

Prompt:
"We might say that we were looking for global schemas, symmetries, universal and unchanging laws - and what we have discovered is the mutable, the ephemeral, the complex." Support or challenge Nobel Prize winner Ilya Prigogine's assertion.

And the essay:
Like snowflakes no two people are alike, so why do we attempt to categorize people into groups? Why do we feel the need to generalize the causes of different situations? Why can't we just accept the mutable ephemerality of the world? We choose not to acknowledge the subjectivity of the world so that we can maintain a certain level of comfort. These underlying organizational patterns that we construct are merely a security blanket to shield us from the reality that the only thing that is absolute, that we can always count on - is change. The search for global schemas, symmetries, and universal and unchanging laws is a fruitless one. In order to be united and to live in harmony with one another we must not search for a way to categorize each other or generalize why people react to certain stimuli in a certain way, but learn that every person has their own "sui generis" or a unique reality that cannot be made to be a part of a wider concept.

What I need help with:
Does it adress the prompt?
Is it gramatically sound?
Does it sound like its finished?
EF_Kevin 8 / 13,321 129  
Dec 31, 2008   #5
Like snowflakes, no two people are alike. So why do we attempt to categorize people into groups?

These underlying organizational patterns that we construct are merely a security blanket to shield us from the reality that the only thing that is absolute, that we can always count on - is change. The search for global schemas, symmetries, and universal and unchanging laws is a fruitless one.

In order to be united and to live in harmony with one another we must not search for a way to categorize each other or generalize why people react to certain stimuli in a certain way, but to learn that every person has their own "sui generis" or a unique reality that cannot be made to be a part of a wider concept.

Good luck in school!!!:)


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