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'organized various community service and charitable projects' - short answer (FBLA)


tianhou 1 / 1  
Oct 27, 2011   #1
please give me some feedback on this essay for the common app. Thanks!

Out of the many extracurricular activities that I've participated in during my high school career, the most prominent one is the Future Business Leaders of America. This club not only awarded me the opportunity to explore the world of business, but also the opportunity to serve my community.

While serving as Vice President and President of the FBLA chapter at Oakton in my junior year, I organized various community service and charitable projects for charities like the March of Dimes and food drives for the local food shelter. I believe that these community service projects were opportunities for me to learn and improve leadership and communication skills that would benefit me in college and in the workplace. From these experiences, I realize that these community service projects were opportunities to gain as well as to give: to give support to the local and national charities and to gain useful skills that give me a leg up in situations that I may encounter later in life.
polk540 5 / 16  
Oct 27, 2011   #2
Wow, one specific activity. Nice job. Common app wants you to write only one specific, so you are right on track.
Oakton? where is it?
From these experiences, I realize that these community service projects were opportunities to gain as well as to give: to give support to the local and national charities and to gain useful skills that give me a leg up in situations that I may encounter later in life.

you can simplify or separate this long sentence.
chelsos 2 / 2  
Oct 28, 2011   #3
Very Impressive! You answered the common app well and in a very precise manner. It goes into detail, while still remaining brief.
I also agree with polk540 regarding simplifying that sentence though.
OP tianhou 1 / 1  
Oct 28, 2011   #4
thank you for the great feedback. is there any grammatical errors i should be worried about?


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