Hello all,
I'm a high school senior who is new to this forum. I found this site while searching the web and definitely feel as though it can help me with my college essays. The following is the first draft of my Columbia short answer question. It should be known that I am a student who loves diversity and therefore felt as though it was important to include my interest in the short answer. Please let me know what you think!
Prompt:
Please tell us what you find most appealing about Columbia and why [1500 Character limit]:
Although first enticed by the premise of an academically rigorous university located in the heart of New York City, my interest in Columbia has evolved from my original impression. Through further research and visits to the school I have found both the Core Curriculum and the diversity of the student body as the most appealing aspects of Columbia. As a prospective student in search of a well balanced, liberal arts education, I see Columbia's Core Curriculum as the ideal means of honing this education. The Core also interests me as it emphasizes communal learning amongst peers. Since all students are presented with the same texts and issues at the same time, discussion and collaborative learning can be accomplished, a method of learning which I specifically enjoy partaking in. The communal discussions amongst peers at Columbia will only be further enriched by the diversity amongst the student population. With such a variety of diverse students from different backgrounds and cultures, Core Curriculum studies at Columbia will consist of a variety of viewpoints and opinions. I find the combination of different beliefs alluring, as it offers new insight and perspectives on topics. Thus, the educational experience behind the Core Curriculum becomes elevated and expanded. Not only will the Core Curriculum of Columbia present a well rounded education in the liberal arts, but it will also offer a well rounded education on the viewpoints of a diverse community of Columbian students. [1500/1500 Characters]
I don't know if it is your vocabulary or the tone, you sound very sophisticated, which is GREAT.
The first sentence just grabbed my attention, but I noticed that you are missing some commas.
I don't know if you left it out on purpose because of the characfters limit, but I'll just point it out.
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Through further research and visits to the school, I have found both the Core
studies at Columbia will consists of a variety of viewpoints and opinions. (I don't know why you are using future tense. Shouldn't it be in the present tense? Doesn't it already consist of different view points and persepctives?)
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Very solid, i believe.
I think this is a strong and COMPLETE response.
Good Job
Hi James , welcome!
Since all students are presented with the same texts and issues at the same time, discussion and collaborative learning can be accomplished, a method of learning which I specifically enjoy partaking in. ---This sentence is very convoluted! I think maybe it is beyond repair. How about a different sentence that accomplishes something better than this accomplishes.
Think of your goal. You want the reader to feel compelled to give you every opportunity possible. Achieve that by revising this in a way that better reflects your SPECIFIC vision for the future, your specific plan. A specific plan with goals for each month... that is the sort of thing that inspires. It is alright to be undecided, but it is inspirational to be hell bent on something.
:-) You write very well!!
Thanks for the help, it was much appreciated. I tweaked the short answer a bit but based on space requirements I wasn't able to change it too much.
