Hi, I would love help with my essay. It's due today so please help quickly.
Here's the prompt:
A range of academic interests, personal perspectives, and life experiences adds much to the educational mix. Given you background, please describe an experiences that illustrates what you would bring to the diversity in a college community, or an encounter that demonstrated the importance of diversity to you.
Before high school I always thought of myself as one of the popular kids. I would get invited to parties, go to the movies every week and rarely found myself without something to do. However, when I entered high school I seemed to take a 180 degree turn. No longer the popular kid I had to find somewhere in high school I could fit in. I meandered from clique to clique, never quite finding the one that fit for me. By way of this jumping from group to group I have discovered myself in a clique of my own, the everything clique.
During high school I have become good friends with my soccer teamates, choir and band students, intellectual minds, and nearly every other spectrum of the high school student body. Yet still, no particular group of people welcomes me with open arms. I've always wondered why I can't have a group to call my own, hang out with every week and have no worries in the world. In recent years I've come to the conclusion that I'm just different and that's the way it should be.
During lunch is when I find my dilemma hardest for me. I generally sit with my teamates. Twelve guys cram around a table that normally fits eight, with the last couple there eating on the outskirts with food in their laps. Multiple times I have been this last person. On the outskirts of conversation, I'm forced to sit there alone and eat my food in quiet. Reluctant to this, I'll sometimes eat with the intellectual kids, the students who recieved perfect ACT and SAT scores and who will undoubtedly go to the top colleges. Conversations here are more interesting, even when they have nothing to to with school. One conversation I found myself in was which movie is better, Inception or Slumdog Millionaire; Inception got the unanimous nod. However, there are those days when the intellectuals do proofs for fun and deprived of rest already, I avoid the extra work days. So my final choice is to sit cross-legged on the ground outside, enjoying the sun and munch with the fine arts kids. Musically declined myself, I don't always relate with what they are discussing, but I appreciate their hard work and dedication to nailing the money notes that make performances spectacular. Conversations will often discuss favorite songs or the up-and-coming artist that few know about. Unfortunately, they too have their days where practice comes before conversation and I am left out.
While I am not overjoyed being the outsider, I do not curse at it either. The outsider is the one who can bring spontaneity to the group. When I go to college, I hope I do not conform to the system and join a particular group, but hope to find others like me: the athlete with a limp, the nerd with a broken calculator, or the singer with a flat note.
Wow, thanks for the quick reply. I really appreciate the help and think that the changes you have made make my paragraph clearer. I'm not so sure if the "it is no different for anyone else." is what I am looking for. I was taking the "it's destiny" point of view. I'm not sure whether or not that is a good way to go. Any ideas?
What do you think about the rest of the essay? Do I make the third paragraph clear and interesting? Do I close the essay well, or does the final sentence seem cheesy?
Let me know.
Thanks, Connor
Cool! I like this topic.
Capitalize your clique: By way of this jumping from group to group I have discovered myself in a clique of my own, the Everything Clique.
or if that does not seem right, at least hyphenate it. ...the everything-clique
Hey, you did not mention that theme anymore. You have to refer to the everything-clique at least one more time in the essay. It is a good theme.
I wonder if you can see the different "types" of people as phases rather than types-of-people. Like, I might be all of those people at one time or another, or all of those people might have common elements in different proportions. (It doesn't matter what I mean; just giving you my feedback that comes to mind!)
