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Outstanding character: volunteer helping my church leaders in any paperwork / joining lacrosse team

Ifranco 2 / 4  
Jan 24, 2015   #1
does this describe you? Please tell us how you have demonstrated honesty, trust, integrity, leadership and volunteerism in your community.

Just like anybody else I have gone through many troublesome situations, but I did not let this interfere with finding a solution to the difficult challenge I was facing. This challenge required figuring out what I wanted to do with my life and who I was as a person. The first step I made was to learn more about my religious beliefs and fully understand who I was and what I really believed in. After comprehending and finally finding who I was I began to participate at the Our Lady of Guadalupe Catholic Church. I began as a simple volunteer helping my church leaders in any paperwork that needed to be done. After three years of gaining more knowledge I am now part of the church's group of lectors and also known as a catechist, which educates children about their religious beliefs. This new task has definitely given me an immense role of leadership and trust. After this moment I realized that behind this once closed door was a role full of responsibilities and new experiences. Furthermore, I knew that I could not just stop here because I knew that my community needed me involved in so much more. To achieve this I began joining programs like the girl's lacrosse team, I became manager of the College Reach out Program (CROP), a member of the Immokalee Foundation Career Development Program (CDP), and historian for the Make a wish Foundation. Through these programs I have learned to interact with people from different schools and places. Being on the lacrosse team has taught me great communication and teamwork skills. I have also fundraised many times with the Make a Wish Foundation which requires me to interact with all kinds of people.

vangiespen - / 4,137 1449  
Jan 24, 2015   #2
Isabel, you took the meaning of the prompt too generally. Do not offer a generalized description of the way you accomplished the traits that were enumerated in the prompt. Take the time to actually offer solid examples of activities that you have participated in wherein you embodied those traits. You already mentioned the activities in a general listing, all you have to do is break them down into paragraph form so that you can expand upon them and offer a better picture of the trait that you claim to have displayed during that situation. I realize that you may have a maximum word count for the response but you need to create a very solid picture of who you are in terms of those traits in order to offer an effective reply to the prompt. If you can offer a longer response, even if you have to go over the word count, I'd be more than happy to help you bring the count down to meet the maximum number by editing the content for you. Right now, the essay needs to stop sounding so ordinary and instead sound like you are a stand out applicant at the university. It is achievable if you are willing to rework the essay to make it that way :-)

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