I'm not too confident on my short essays, so any honest suggestions would be very helpful.
Thanks in advance!
Which aspects of Tufts' curriculum or undergraduate experience prompt your application? In short: ''Why Tufts?'' (50-100 words)
Living in the small, liberal bubble of my hometown, the only chances to encounter other communities are the occasional retreats. By attending Tufts University, not only will I get the experience of living on the other side of the country in a wholly new environment, but also I will be provided essential tools to pursue my dream of becoming an oncologist. With the abundant research opportunities offered, the outstanding science department, and the diverse and interactive surrounding community, Tufts is the cynosure to my beckoning mind.
There is a Quaker saying: ''Let your life speak.'' Describe the environment in which you were raised--your family, home, neighborhood or community--and how it influenced the person you are today. (200-250 words)
When I found that I was left home alone due to my brother's incapacity to baby-sit, I would slither over to my next-door neighbor Blandy's ridiculously comfy couch, where she would cater me with popcorn smothered in butter. When I was crying because of my scraped knee, I would run across the street to Katy where she would give me band-aids, cookies, and milk. When I had a bad day at school and just wanted to sob, I would mope over to Della's old, pink house where she would cheer me up with candy and books. And when I was exhausted at the end of the day, I would scurry upstairs and cuddle with my own loving mother.
My upbringing is swamped with memories of mothers coming at me in all directions, each contributing to shaping the human being that I am today. It wasn't until I lost my own mother that I realized the role all of these other women played in my life. Each nurtured me in their own unique fashion, elucidating different perspectives and attitudes that stay with me to this day. They always responded with benevolence when my family was in need, teaching me the importance of goodwill and camaraderie. Supportive and encouraging of my dreams and aspirations, my mothers' raised me to be the aspiring doctor that I am today.
Your second essay flows nicely. One grammatical suggestion: When I was cryingcried because of my scraped knee, I would run across the street to Katy where she would give me band-aids, cookies, and milk.
Also, the reference about you as an "aspiring doctor" kind of comes out of nowhere in the last sentence...
As to your first paragraph, there's nothing necessarily wrong with it. But I myself have never liked essays that sound like lists, and this one kind of does. I'd focus on one particular aspect of the school, like the science department or the new environment you'd experience.
Thank you for your suggestions!
Do you think I should leave out the "aspiring doctor", or mention it earlier on in the essay.
And I agree about the first paragraph, some fine tuning is in need.
Hmm, instead of putting a career option in there, perhaps something like this would work:
"Supportive and encouraging of my dreams and aspirations, my mothers' raised me to be the aspiring doctoridealistic person? hardworking person? that I am today.
Yeah, perhaps you should put something in there that describes who you are as a person. If not, I'd leave this sentence out.
