Hello everyone, this is essay 2 of my admissions essay I have a couple of questions
Does this answer the prompt?
What can you tell about me from just this writing?
What parts need more elaboration/details?
Thanks!
I have had my share of blissful moments and disappointment in my life; and one key truth stands out from all of them: ultimately everything that I have succeeded or failed in was a direct result of my efforts and focus. One of the biggest changes in my life was during the summer after graduating from high school. I was planning to attend UVa in the fall and felt excited but also a little scared of what to expect.
I have always been out of shape in high school; I didn't exercise or care too much about what I ate, and I didn't really care until I got older. I enjoyed spending my time playing video games and playing piano. After four years of this sedentary lifestyle, I became really overweight. I couldn't run very far without having to stop and catch my breath, and often felt depressed whenever I looked at myself in the mirror. I was disappointed in how I was treating my body, my only physical apparatus in this world. During the summer before coming to UVa, I finally had enough of being disappointed in myself, and decided to take action. I made it a priority in my life to wake up early and run a couple of miles every day, to take kickboxing classes and to cut out sodas and junk food. It felt impossible but I had to give it a good effort. The first week was absolutely painful, from the running and the hunger pangs. I dreaded waking up knowing my legs have to jog a mile, and that later I had to ride the metro to get to the kickboxing class. But I stuck with my goal, and every week that passed by, the experience soon became routine. Before I knew it, I looked like a completely different person. I no longer felt disappointed, I always felt full of energy and was proud of what I had accomplished. At the end of just two months I had lost a total of 50lbs, and I looked and felt great. My decision to take control of my physical aspect of my life was very noticeable to my friends, instilling a sense of confidence I never experienced before.
Ever since this experience I have always incorporated some time at the gym in my weekly schedule. If I wasn't so strongly disappointed in myself at first, I would've never had the motivation to continue pushing through, and that's what life is really about, pushing through your problems. I failed many times before but it was here I learned that you must fail your way to success.
First of all, you didn't write your prompt, so i can't really tell you whether you are sticking to it.
From what I have seen, your essay conveys a sense of integrity, something that I don't really possess and I admire you for that.
good luck
Yes, it answers the prompt.
I can tell that you have a lot of willpower and determination. These a good qualities. Congratulations.
Something you might want to change: "everything that I have succeeded or failed in was a direct result of my efforts and focus." Presumably the things you failed in, you failed in in spite of rather than because of your effort and focus.
