Unanswered [6] | Urgent [0]
  

Home / Undergraduate   % width Posts: 3


'overcoming and becoming' -FSU prompt (Vires, Artes, Mores)


rodriguezkath 1 / -  
Sep 23, 2010   #1
hello, i'm not nearly done with the entire essay but i'd like to get your feedback on what i've written so far, please and thank you!

For almost one hundred years, the Latin words, "Vires, Artes, Mores" have been the guiding philosophy behind Florida State University. Vires signifies strength of all kinds - moral, physical, and intellectual; Artes alludes to the beauty of intellectual pursuits as exemplified in skill, craft, or art; and Mores refers to character, custom, or tradition. Describe how one or more of the values embodied in these concepts are reflected in your life.

As a teenage girl living in today's society it is only natural to wonder about life itself and the journey one takes on when evolving from the path of adolescence to the world adulthood. As I break up Florida State University's motto "Vires, Artes, Mores" (Latin for strength, skill, and character) I find what significance they have in my life, I realize all three of these values are what have actually transformed me into the woman I am today. Learning from my mistakes and overcoming my problems through past experiences has given me a whole new mentality, which I believe no other 17-year-old has yet developed.

When talking about "vires" one may only think about physical strength. I strongly believe Strength is an essential quality in a person whether it be physical, moral, or intellectual. Over the years many obstacles have come my way, giving me new lessons to learn. This past year two events have helped my moral strength grow and become my strongest value. A few months ago six friends of mine were involved in a severe car accident. Five were able to walk out, while one was ejected from the window landing 12 ft. from the automobile.

As a teenager we're all bound to believe we are 'invincible' that no harm can come upon us. As days went by, I watched my friend fight for his life while others in the world still believed they were 'invincible'. Not knowing whether he would fully recuperate or even wake from unconsciousness put me to think. I now take whatever life throws at me and mold it into something I can overcome whether positive or negative. Life is about how you handle what's thrown at you along with how you react to that throw. My moral strength gives me the power to never hold back and to strive for what's better for myself and for others.

Two months after the accident, one of my childhood friends passed away due to heart failure. Both events were unexpected but in the end it helped me as a person see what life can bring and how I must open my eyes to the world around me andput others before myself when in need.
ershad193 14 / 333 5  
Sep 26, 2010   #2
Your opening sentence is not very exciting. It is just an unnecessary observation.

Learning from my mistakes and overcoming my problems through past experiences has given me a whole new mentality, which I believe no other 17-year-old has yet developed.

This is vague. Moreover, it makes it hard to see where your essay is going. For instance, you follow it up with an incident that didn't affect you directly; so how does it relate to mistakes you made or problems you had?

invincible

I also didn't understand why you introduced and emphasized this word.
EF_Kevin 8 / 13,321 129  
Sep 26, 2010   #3
...are what have actually transformed me into the woman I am today. ---- this is a little bit cliche. Can you say something more specific?

When talking about "vires" one may only think about physical strength. I strongly believe Strength is an essential quality in a person whether it be physical, moral, or intellectual.----- no, I think this is bad, because you are using their idea... just talking about vires, not about your experiences.

Oh, I'm sorry about the accident with your friends. That is a good example, and you explained it well.
I think seeing a hurt friend also can give you strength by giving you the perspective that makes you know how precious life is... and when you are aware of the preciousness, it makes you have strong resolve.


Home / Undergraduate / 'overcoming and becoming' -FSU prompt (Vires, Artes, Mores)
Writing
Editing Help?
Fill in one of the forms below to get professional help with your assignments:

Graduate Writing / Editing:
GraduateWriter form ◳

Best Essay Service:
CustomPapers form ◳

Excellence in Editing:
Rose Editing ◳

AI-Paper Rewriting:
Robot Rewrite ◳