PROMPT: Recount a time when you faced a challenge, setback, or failure. How did it affect you, and what did you learn from the experience?[/b][/i]
"When I keep quiet, stigma wins and, I can't let that happen" -Edwin.
I was 14 years old when diagnosed with depression. Depression, a stigmatized topic; I believe the problem itself doesn't but, the struggle and success of defeating depression for three years now truly defines me.
Speaking about my experience with depression, came the insecurities regarding my parent's faith in me. Fortunately, I did not let my grades degrade but the feeling of emptiness never left. I developed a certain irritation in interacting with people and used to get agitated because I was vexed with myself for such actions. As my comparatively degrading grades and change in my character from cheerful to gloomy was noticed by both my parents and school authorities, I was scheduled to attend a child psychologist at my school. I remember one fine morning he said to me," Remember Erina, there's always a reason for all of your feelings, if you focus on the cause, you will undoubtedly find the solution."
Since that day, I have developed a certain insight and wisdom on tackling problems, that not only helped me resolve them but also make sure to untangle myself from complications by eliminating its cause.
'Painted Birds' by Fiona Bullen, not particularly the book to fight against depression; however, the book has made a tremendous impact on helping me gain my courage back. I am moved by the act of heroism portrayed by the protagonist and how she fought until the very end with remarkable bravery.
I have learned not to panic when there's a problem but find out the cause to understand the problem because not knowing the 'why' and 'what' of a problem can drive people crazy. I have made mistakes and faced its consequences; I am well aware that I have victimized myself in many situations where I needed to be brave, regardless of them all, I am proud of myself today and I am very confident sharing my experience of depression as I am not victimizing myself anymore. I have learned, to face my lows and fill them with the warmth of strength, courage, and optimism. As in this moment of life, I contend with myself.
The complexity, delicacy, and importance of psychological assistance to a suffering individual in every aspect of life fascinates me. Successfully overcoming my depression gave me a sense of hope, I know I am capable of dedicating myself to the strong will in pursuing my career in psychology and potentially make a difference in someone else's life. I am very optimistic about fulfilling my potential.
I am a firm believer in psychotherapy, especially when it comes to adolescents. I believe that focusing on the cause is a better way to fight against depression rather than using medicine to exert an effect on the chemical makeup and neurological system. Supporting Goffman, Deleuze, and Rosen, I too believe that medication is just a concoction. I believe in analysis, validation, and vanquishing of the issue in such a manner that, the individual himself develops the skill to navigate through his troubles at any given time in the future too. The substantial lack of understanding of psychological, social, and neurological pathways involved in the development of depression in adolescents has driven me to study psychology and raise awareness in Nepal.
I have come to learn the difference between hearing and listening. Thus, I don't simply want to hear what people have to say; I want to listen to them, I want to understand them, and if possible, I want to help them. Facilitate them with the sacred ground where they can be themselves and not feel judged.
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Two things that need to disappear from this discussion are the quotation at the start, which does not make for an effective hook to the presentation. You need to only open with a strong statement created using your own words. You did that when you said "I was 14 years old..." That should have been more dramatic though. The hook, should have been anchored on a little scene playing out that showed just how depressed you were, without knowing it, leading into the depression diagnosis at the age of 14. That would have been more interesting in terms of opening the discussion in the essay.
The second reference has to be removed is the "Painted Birds" reference. That paragraph is so short, the discussion became insignificant in the overall presentation of things.
Adjust the part of the essay that discusses your firm belief and what you have learned. You already portray that at the start of the essay. It creates a repetitive presentation. Rather than the constant harping on your depression, focus the last part on how you have overcome your illness. While you may not have overcome it totally, you have to show that you are now capable of dealing with your problems, and that it will not be a factor that could prevent you from performing as a college student is expected to.
Clarify your reference to your grades. First you said that you did not allow your grades to fall, yet, in the same breath, you discuss how your grades fell. That will confuse the reader. Either your grades fell or it did not. Base your presentation on the side that truthfully happened to you.
Overall, the discussion feels too long but not very informative. You have to stop the victimization presentation throughout the essay. Focus on the strength of your character and how you overcame the problem instead. College students know how to overcome, they refuse to become and remain victims, which is what your essay is for the most part.
Leave your "I am a firm believer" conviction out of the discussion. Show how you overcame it. Don't discuss it as you would a research paper. You are being interviewed. Stop relying on references to the accomplishments of others in this essay. This is a show and tell about how you successfully overcame depression, not about how you learned from other people. You are not writing a personal statement regarding your interest in a course. You are writing about how you successfully stopped being a depressed person.