Tell us about who you are.
How would your friends, family, and/or community members describe you? If possible, please include something about yourself that you are proud of and why"
Growing up in a middle class family with many of my needs and wants tended to, I developed a victim mentality, where I blamed my challenges on others around me. It was easier for me to believe my place in the world was a box in which I was contained, subject to my circumstances, instead of accepting responsibility for my actions.
When I tried out for the junior basketball team, I was a self assured child who felt entitled to make the team, despite being much smaller and less trained than my teammates. I was shocked to hear from the coach upon the end of the last try out that I had not made the team. I simply could not rationalize how this could have happened- I had wanted it so bad! In an attempt to understand, I had sought out the coach, who invited me to attend the practices as a red shirt. Although it stung my pride, I attended the practices, as the one player who "didn't make the team". Additionally, I scorekept during home games. It wasn't necessarily growing my skills as a player that I was proud of, but it was the ability to change my mindset. If I had maintained the victim mentality, I would have gone about the rest of my basketballball career feeling sorry for myself, but instead, I took on a mindset of growth which allowed me to learn from my mistakes. This is a lesson that is applicable to all areas of life, which is why others would describe me as hardworking and passionate to learn.
15 words over limit.
Do I address both aspects of the prompt well enough?
Does the experience I described being proud about have enough significance for this subject?
Does the first part provide valid justification for why I developed the initial mindset?
I am a first time poster, so if I have unknowingly violated any rules please let me know!
Thank you in advance
Holt Educational Consultant - / 11,194 3644
You are 15 words over the limit without addressing any aspect of the prompt requirement. There is no reference to the point of view from other people regarding your character, only an over emphasis in the victim mentality, which is not exactly something that you should be proud of either. Although you overcame it eventually, the fact that it does not relate to any persona as seen by the required people as stated in the prompt makes this unusable. Review the prompt again and focus first, on presenting your character traits that these people admire the most about you, or do not admire about you. Then present a "proud moment" related to either overcoming the negative image or, reinforcing the positive image that they have presented about you. The point of view of others is highly important in this essay and you failed to reflect that properly. However, you cannot focus only on your basketball team. You have to look at the prompt and describe yourself based on the opinion of at least 2 of the people in the list. Pick the ones whom you feel will have a point of view of you as a person, that can help your application and easily be reflected in your proudest moment.