I feel like this essay is pretty diff than the common app thread from before, and since i might be using a diff common app essay, i decided to create a new thread for this(Hope the moderators arent upset by this). Anyway, three things to watch. 1 Does this make sense 2. Does it create an impact 3. Anyway to shorten it*779 words too much?). Any comments greatly appreciated. Thanks alot, good luck everyone.
I had been overwhelmed. The awe from seeing the gashing veins, the yellowish pale and soft tissue complexes of the kidney I was researching were surreal. Those ripples of focus and composure from my mind had disappeared as I froze from the sheer magnitude of the situation.
But I grew so much in two and a half years. Now, as I did lab work attempting to inhibit the growth of BK Virus through various drugs, the lens through which I saw things was clearer. Firstly, I grasped the workings of ATP-ase domain and the nature of the drugs attempting to destroy them. I was no longer oblivious to the subtleties of DNA. I was engrossed in my subject. The initial ripples were replaced by waves propagating from my mind. Finally, I was no longer overpowered by results. I had a voice. Everything didn't hinge on a t-value, slope or correlation from the centrifuge. I felt a sense of power come from the empirical nature of my work: I could seek answers and had the capability to find them. I was capable of governing science's tools, those pipettes and centrifuges, to find answers to my questions. Even when my results weren't what I wanted, I was building off each one of them. I was finding relationships between different results. This is what professors talked about with achieving science at its true "zenith". Of course I was not tweaking with quantum physics type material, but I was becoming something far greater than I ever had. I was curious. I was a scientist.
Abject disappointment soon set in. When I truly analyzed the results, seeking the subtleties in relationships, I became consumed by this BK virus. What relationships? The more I looked, the more I realized I had created them. All those variables in the experiment, how much was too much dilution factor or how many cycles on the centrifuge was too many, dominated me. I had ignored the power of the tools of science, the pipettes, and even the variables. Those tools had manipulated me; my arrogance had let me think otherwise. The more I thought and looked for answers, the more the blank glare of nothing stared at me. I had been paralyzed.
The aftermath was stark. The next month lacked a fire. My work lacked cohesiveness. It wasn't apathy, rather a total shock that reverberated throughout me. I felt hopelessness.
However, I stuck to form; I was too engrossed to just leave my subject. I still stayed in the lab for hours analyzing through every set of data, those t-values and residuals didn't go anywhere. I was fazed, but I adapted enough to keep on going. Those curious eyes still stared intensely at those symmetric arches and imperfect linear regressions. I was like a shy four year old staring at the Leaning Tower of Pisa, I couldn't stop, I realized the peculiarity, but kept coming back for more.
As the weeks piled on, a latent force started to guide me: tranquility. It was gradual, but the calm that came from my empirical work soon took over. It can't be fully translated. However, in this state, I wasn't seeking relationships between different forms of science; I was just at ease. For the first time I accepted the power of science's tools when I restarted the PCR experiments. I had allowed myself to be paralyzed by the unknown in the results. I knew nothing; I feared nothing. For the first time, I felt something pure, an appeasement from knowing that being oblivious to the subtleties of the experiment was acceptable. Even though I now acknowledged myself in a position of knowing much less, I was much more aggressive. There was no pressure; I no longer had to protect myself from failure by obsessively seeking specific results that would support my hypothesis. I was free of my own responsibilities, I could be unleashed.
Finally, my experiments started to change and making sense. All those variables, such as how much is too much, were no longer a problem. I was getting somewhere. My results were becoming tangible and could lead to publication. I was making sense of those results; they were each functioning at their own independent level. They weren't cohesive, but that was the source of their power. I didn't need any relationships or subtleties; I only needed sciences tools to do what they do, control. There had been nothing wrong with that control. Keeping the unknown and its ability to paralyze my thought process alive, accepting it, has been my proudest accomplishment. The unknown revealed more than anything from the known ever had: the calming voice was all I ever needed.
interesting, i had gotten good reviews from this at last, i really felt like i had made this more clear, my english teacher who is a really harsh grader like this and thought it made sense. Thanks alot, the essay is abstract, that is the theme, the ideas i am using are abstract, and i guess thats where the interpretations come in and thats probably where you got lost. dont think im indirectly criticizing you when i say my english teacher liked it, im not, it just shows how diff people have diff interpreations of things. its too late to make any serious revisions, it is what it is, this is my writing style and it is hard to change it, it will fall to extremes, some will love it, some will hate it, but its taking a chance and i need to take a chance considering how big of a reach some of these schools i am applying to are. Thanks alot, good luck any other comments espec to my brown essay greatly appreciated, i will glady return the favor to read yours.
please anybody, i havent gotten much of anything except for one person who didnt answer whether or not my second essay answered hte prompt and the deadlines fastly approaching, thanks alot
Yes, I get your point. For an IVY league coll, this essay will surely catch the attention of the adcom. They might love it, they might hate it. But they will at least read it carefully! :)
