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My own chords - Common App Essay

alsu03 1 / 1  
Jun 26, 2020   #1

My own chords

I take my faithful guitar and hit the strings with my fingers. The piece of music I have chosen to play is a tough one with a crescendo movement across the composition, but I try assiduously. All of a sudden, my fingers strike a chord instead of playing multiple notes one by one. My music teacher's eyes shine with excitement, and she exclaims: "This is tremendous! You have just blended a classical Mozart's Sonata №1 with a piece of your soul!" The note pattern was completely unexpected and extremely fun to play. Chords remind me of myself: many things at once.

The foremost note in my life chord is biology. As Tatar roots resonate in my soul, I have always felt strong pride for native nature, and when I was a curious little girl, my Tatar grandmother encouraged me to explore mysteries of wildlife in her immense garden. The orchard was full of fragrant flowers, which appealed to buzzing fluffy bumble-bees. I stayed out until dusk exploring remote locations of the garden while watching the bumble-bees fly around.

When I grew up, I decided to take my observations to the next level. I read tons and tons of articles, but did not find any papers on the ecology and biology of the insect I was into. I understood that I will never move on to the following step unless I create something of my own. Then I remembered the incredible feeling of freedom, with which I make amazing chords on my guitar. I took all my initiative and will to research deeply in the bumble-bees species dwelling in my region. Once I was chasing a bumble-bee to indicate its species when a thought stroke me: I realized that the insects crawling around and plants in the way are just a part of a huge system, which needs to be protected from being taken for granted. I am interested in the peculiarities of their pollinating habits because the crucial data, obtained during the research, can be used to measure the condition of ecosystems. As I am concerned with biology, I will contribute to nature's conservation now and after. I want to continue uncovering secrets of the world to make people realize how crucial it is to protect and appreciate the wildlife around us.

Many people develop themselves in one sphere or have a single passion that defines them as an identity. Like my guitar, I am an instrument: but an instrument playing a multitude of notes at once. My two main interests are at opposite ends, which makes them even more closely related to one another. Sometimes I feel all stalled out about the investigation and music turns out to be Ariadne's thread in finding the right way to interpret or obtain new data. Such overlap of interests enables me to take the best from both worlds, and I never know if I will end up finding a solution to the distorted chord in the knowledge of biology.

I will take these chords with me to college: I want to unite students of miscellaneous majors to create something of a unique mixture. In my opinion, getting to know the talents, ideas, and motivations of different people leads to building a powerful community.

I am searching for my place in the world combining various interests. Who I am does not always add up into a mesmerizing combination of sounds and may feel like an awkward noise to some people. No matter which chords I play, no matter how I play them, they are my own chords.

Holt  Educational Consultant - / 10,135 3271  
Jun 27, 2020   #2
There are several common app prompts that this essay can be responding to. So I am not really sure as to how to direct this essay. You should have given me a copy of the common app prompt so I could have developed a proper review, based on the prompt requirements. Anyway, I'll do what I can for you.

I was very interested in reading your essay at the start. I thought the music would be the focal point of the essay. Then you went into a totally different discussion that did not really blend well with your opening discussion. In truth, the middle part of the essay is the most relevant discussion, which tells me that is the targeted response to the essay prompt you are writing for. So you should develop the whole essay around that part instead.

Consider the relevance of mentioning your ethnicity in the essay as well. It would be a good idea to explain why this ethnicity is important to you and why you consider it a part of the unique mix of your personality. You should decide on the actual focus of your essay, will it be the music or the science? It is difficult to find the perfect balance in your presentation because, as you said, these are exact opposites. So it doesn't really depict your message in a clear way to the reviewer.

If I knew what the prompt was, I would have had a chance to point out areas of specific improvement or use so that you could make a proper revision to your essay.
OP alsu03 1 / 1  
Jun 27, 2020   #3
Thank you very much for your comments. Here's the prompt: " Some students have a background, identity, interest, or talent that is so meaningful they believe their application would be incomplete without it. If this sounds like you, then please share your story."
wmm88 - / 2  
Jun 28, 2020   #4
I understood that I will would never ... unless I create created something of my own

I would also recommend perhaps mentioning something along the lines of "At college, I will bring an appreciation for everyone's talents, ideas, etc"
In addition, your last paragraph -- the sentence " Who I am does not always add ..." I would recommend rewording this in a way that doesn't make you look bad in front of some people, other than that, great job! The hook is terrific, and it is clear that you have a lot of potential to bring to the colleges you are attending!

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