this is the essay i wanna use for my common appp (or one of them)
please tell me what you think and some grammar corrections.
thanks!
Prompt: Indicate a person who has had a significant influence on you, and describe that influence.
My Own Dr. 90210
I remember like it was yesterday, although this October would make it year eight. It seemed like any other morning: wake up, shower, brush teeth, but then the phone rang. I saw my dad's name on the caller ID so I answered, thinking it was strange for him to call this early in the morning; he had never done this before. Even at the age of nine I knew something was wrong. He asked to speak to my mom. As it turned out my dad called to ask her advice on a little accident he had. As he made his way to take his shower the handle fell off and my dad, being the handy man he is attempting to fix it, burned his hands in the process since the water was piping hot.
Since my parents are divorced I used to see my dad every other weekend, but he was hospitalized for eighteen days from this accident-which left him with third degree burns. Even after coming home, my dad was still unable to have me over for months since there was a lawsuit involved and the bathroom had to be repaired. This was disturbing because I missed him. Realizing a reconstructive surgeon performed his skin graphs, this was the beginning of my interest in a career path in cosmetic surgery.
Years later I started to watch the television show Dr. 90210. It's a sneak peak into my future career but sometimes it gets a little scary. When I tell friends, family, or strangers even that I want to be a doctor someday their eyes stretch to about twice their normal size and, I hear that common reply of "Doctor? That's a lot more years in school you know." Their comments make my dreams seem so faraway, absurd even. With comments like these I can't help but get a little nervous and wonder if that's what I really want to do.
One morning I was watching Good Morning America when I saw an episode that would keep plastic surgery in the centerfolds of my thoughts. I saw a woman who's named the best female plastic surgeon. She also resides in my home state of New York and is one of only three female cosmetic surgeons in New York. This woman was talking about a new product she's invented to improve the way you look which in turn will improve your self-esteem.
The show didn't last forever, but I was so intrigued that after I decided to do my own research on her. I went to my trusted friend Google. I learned that she was the first female surgeon to have earned combined doctorate degrees in dental and medical from Harvard Medical School. Smart, and gifted along with impressive firsts, I found a woman who's influenced me. From setting up her practice here in New York, to raising the confidence of men and women through her book Change Your Looks, Change Your Life; she's done everything I aspire to do.
Through all of this I was impacted so much I thought more people should know about her. I wanted to tell others that I hope to be just like her someday and that my dreams weren't so absurd. My idea of doing this was through speeches. I've even gotten into character, and dressed up in a white doctor lab jacket along with a stethoscope. I've won first and second place for these speeches as I've sincerely told crowds of people how she's impacted me and the cosmetic world.
My role model, and my heroine, shes proved that while my journey towards performing liposuction will be long, it certainly is possible. Dr. Michelle Copeland inspires me every nip and tuck of the way.
The claim that Copeland was the first female plastic surgeon seemed incredible to me. (It's likely the first female surgeon in that field came along decades earlier.) I did some research and found that she was the "first female plastic surgeon in the U.S. to have earned combined doctorate degrees from Harvard," which is so narrow as to be not much of a first. Unless you can find some reliable source stating that this woman was the first female plastic surgeon ever, or at least in the U.S., take out that claim. You readers will, as I did, find it incredible and then begin to see you as credulous.
Otherwise this essay is quite well written, with some clever word play.
thanks :D
ahh, i did this when i was so young i guess i misread and stuff.
okay so i guess something like this instead...
Cheers! It is a good essay.
Have you realized your dream?
thanks mathsam! :)
and yes i have!! i def. wanna be a plastic surgeon!! dr. 90210 is really inspiring!! lol i cant even explain how fun it is watching it! :D
Interesting essay. I agree with the person above me, it feels vague through out some of the paragraphs. I would love to understand things a bit more.
I am still left wondering why you chose that profession. I understand that a "reconstructive surgeon performed his skin graphs" but WHY did that make you want to become one? Were the skin grafts done so well that your father looked as if he had never been burned? Did the grafts help your father to go back to living a normal, happy life and now you want to help people who have been in his situation?
I guess I'm just a bit confused as to WHY you want to do this.
Clever word play, interesting story. I would like to know more.
thanks again for more ideas.
btw in the first paragrapg, i was trying to say i want to do everthing shes done. from thr book to raisng the confidence. evn if i dont end up doing it b.c. u can never predict life, i figred id keep it simple.
thanks for thr clever word play stuff. lieban, what dd u mean i could add some more in that part? i usu. get it, but i dont lol.
and yes your right, if your still a little confused about why, i should def. tell about the skin graphs and stuff.
as far as the best plastic surgeon stuff, thry said it on the tv show, who knows what groud thats on. buttt i will def. clarify and rewrite when im home. im on my fone now. do u guys mind rechecking?
