Pablo Picasso's painting Guernica; Creative work that influenced me

Discuss apiece of writing, music, film or other creative work that has influenced the person you are today.

After taking several years of Art and Spanish in my schooling career the Spanish language and artwork are some of greatest interests. So I could not be more excited when I found out I would be studying in Spain for three weeks over the summer. While in Madrid we would get the privilege of going to famous art museums like Museo del Prado and Museo Reina Sofia. The one piece of artwork that I was most looking forward to seeing was Guernica by Pablo Picasso. The painting shows the suffering of the civilians in the town of Guernica after being bombed upon by the Germans in the Spanish Civil War. It has become one of the most famous pieces of anti-war art. Ever since viewing the painting I have become completely fascinated with Picasso. I've read a few books about his life and even tried to put some of his style into my own artwork. Pablo Picasso's painting Guernica has influenced my life in a way I never expected. My view of art has completely changed. Instead of just looking at paintings now I really try to interpret them and figure out what the artist was feeling while they were creating. Since I have found a higher appreaciation and understanding of art after viewing Guernica, my own artwork has flourished. Recently, creative ideas have been flowing through my head faster than my brush will paint. I can only hope that one day one of my paintings will affect the world like Guernica has affected me.

You need a hook to grab the reader's attention. And use better vocab like "depicts" instead of "shows". Also, don't be so generic. Be detailed as much as possible. And I like how you let them know that you're really interested in their college.