"Pain is temporary...If I quit however, it lasts forever"; UCF Essay 'bump in the road' topic

This is the famous prompt from UCF about the bump in the road in a personal or academic way and explain the circumstance. I need help with structure, relevance and word count. I'm at 368 words.

Lance Armstrong once said, "Pain is temporary...If I quit however, it lasts forever." Growing up, I enjoyed reading inspiring stories dealing with strong characters who faced challenge after challenge before ultimately realizing their purpose in life. I always thought to myself that when I grew up and finally had problems of my own, I would face them without doubt or fear just like the characters I've read about. Naively, I didn't realize that obstacles not only come in the way of adults, but kids as well. As a preteen, I was surrounded by a protective bubble of love and support by my friends and family; a bubble that I falsely believed would be with me forever. At the age of twelve, I became a victim of severe bullying by someone that I and my family least expected; my only sister's best friend. She resented the close knit relationship that my family shared contrary to hers and was determine to break us apart. Piece by piece, she took away the things that I cherished in life; my friends, my supporters, my family and finally my self-esteem. I was no longer the happy smiling kid I once was; I was constantly subject to violent rages, moody, quiet. One of the top students in my class, I could no longer focus and began failing my classes. I was forced to heal quietly overtime, slowly letting go of the anger that I concealed in my heart as the seasons changed. Now, at the age of 17, I look back and laugh. I realized that in this unexpected life that we live in, nothing, good or bad lasts forever. The important thing is our response to the situations we're faced with. If I had given up on my family, on school, on myself then I wouldn't be the strong willed person I am today. Our obstacles and situations aren't the things that make us stronger. It's the decisions we make afterward that really reveal the hidden warrior in us. The road ahead of me remains unknown, and as a student furthering my education endeavors I know that I will be faced by all sorts of obstacles: horrible professors, difficult subjects you name it. Quitting however, is not an option.

- Lance Armstrong is a disgraced sports figure. It will not be good for you to use any quotes from him. Try to find another quote to use.

Content wise, your story is good but underdeveloped. I would suggest that you offer examples of how this friend of your sister's tried to ruin you and your family in order to shed light on the actions that you took later on. Also, explain why her bullying affected you so much considering that you said you had a tightly knit family. Surely there were other underlying reasons that she got to you so severely. Mention that in order to show how this bump was not some simple obstacle that you had to overcome. Also, I would try to explain more about how you quietly healed yourself. Perhaps also mention if the friend eventually disappeared from your sister's and by connection your family's life.I like the conclusion that you wrote. It shows that the incident helped you mature as a person. If this essay has a 500 word count limit then adding those extra pieces of information should help you reach the maximum count :-)

I didn't realize about the whole Lance Armstrong thing. Thanks for the tip, I'll keep that in mind when I try to mention quotes from people. Also the word limit is 250 so I'm trying to keep it as short as possible. Any ideas?

If you seriously want to use a quote to kick off your essay, then I suggest that you pick another quote first and then revise the content of the paper. It is okay if you go over 250 words during the rewrite. The only way you can reduce the word count is by constantly reviewing the content of your essay so that you can delete unnecessary paragraphs or sentences whenever possible. You can also shorten your paragraphs to a certain degree provided it does not affect the idea being shared in the paragraph. So, here is what you can do. Rewrite the essay and then come back here with the over 250 word count version. I'll be more than happy to help you polish it down to 250 words :-)