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'paint my world into a painting' - Essay for Boarding School admissions

Emma828 1 / 1  
Oct 30, 2011   #1
HEY!! This is my essay for admission for Hotchkiss School
The topis is Describe the world you come from and how the world has shaped who you are.
Please help me look though it and tell me if you have any corrections or suggestions. Thank you~~

If I could present my world as a painting, it would most certainly be colourful and vibrant.
I was born in South Africa into a family of four; my mother, father, brother and I. I am very influenced by my mother; she would be the perfect example of "a strong, independent woman". She is clever and beautiful. My father was almost never around due to his work, even though he didn't play a large role in my childhood, I still loved him a lot. My father always encouraged me to be adventurous and travel, and normally he would also be the "sponsor".

I was cultivated in the very different surroundings of China, the United States and South Africa. Travelling and constantly moving was second nature to me. I travelled frequently between four continents and lived back and forth between three. But I've never thought of this as disadvantageous, instead, it's a plus to me rather than a minus.

Since both of my parents are Chinese; even though I was born in South Africa, China was the country where I spent most of my childhood. It was the most influential on my view of academics; I place more value on school than I might have. With one of the most competitive learning environments in the world, the atmosphere made me very diligent and hardworking.

South Africa is a fascinating country, diverse in every way. On the east coast where the Indian Ocean is, there is the busiest port in South Africa, Durban, where I spent my early teenage years. This country has influenced me the most personally in the shaping of my personality; it is where I learnt my English, where I was first exposed to the western culture, where I met people from the most diverse backgrounds. I've heard people refer to the United States as a "melting pot", I agree it is quit diverse, but in my opinion South Africa was the "great melting pot".

The United States is entirely different from China and South Africa. Not just the language but in so many other ways as well. I feel not at all uncomfortable being in this foreign country. It is now my second year in America, I spent one year in Las Vegas and this year in New Rochelle. The United States would most likely be where my future lies; it is in this magnificent country where I would like to one day pursue my dreams.

"The world is a book and those who do not travel read only one page." The experience of new food, new cultures, new people and new languages has broadened my mind. Instead of imagining how things may be, I get to see them as they are. I've made friends that are from every part of the globe. I've celebrated holidays like Chinese New Year, 4th of July, Diwali and Freedom Day. All of these experiences have made me more independent and self-confident. It has been a remarkable privilege to have been able to live in such diverse surroundings. And I believe it is this privilege that has shaped me into the person that I am; a person that has read a few pages of the "book", and is eager to read more!

pooroldmama 1 / 2  
Oct 31, 2011   #2
academics...not academic. Your essay paints a picture of the places you have been but now who you are...maybe a bit more personal.

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