Please help me correct my essay, I have tried to do it after the topic following:
I have got my writing essay result : C+, very bad result. I was very disappointed. I am trying to do better.Select a concept from your discipline, and use it to answer this question: How does it help you understand an issue that drives or impacts your life?
In 250-300 words, explain the concept to a non-specialist audience, and integrate it into your issue. Your essay must be uncluttered, and demonstrate a clear understanding of the writing mechanics you have learnt in the course.
Making decisions is never easy, especially the ones that are the most important in our lives. But luckily for me, allowing myself to think in terms of "opportunity cost", one of the key concepts I have studied in my major economics, has made it possible to gain perspective and sanity over some tough decisions.
Opportunity cost, is just a way of measuring the true cost of something by looking at your next best alternative. However, its power comes in not being limited to measuring cost in terms of money. I often remind myself of my unforgettable memory when I was young and graduated from my secondary school. At that time, I found it time-wasting to study, I wanted to earn money to spend on my hobbies, to prove that I was not a little girl. However, I could not find any jobs suitable for my age. Thus, I had to come back to my studying.Up to now I have become an economic student and pursuing my full-time degree in a university. Thanks to my major, the concept of the "opportunity cost" in particular, it has helped me see clearly how not to lose a lot of valuable things in my life. Because you only have so much time and money to spend, in other words, neither is unlimited, you have to think carefully before making decisions. To do that, we ought to be taking (or to take?) not in terms of the cost of it or others, but the opportunity cost of them. Under my circumstance, I might earn much money by working but will lose much more without studying. Studying gives me not only valuable knowledge but also life experience. And after graduating, I believe I will be able to find a suitable job and face up to the life with confidence.
Career decisions, as well as all other types of decisions always have opportunity cost. I prefer the "opportunity cost" concept to any another tool ( I think it should be another tool) when making important decisions in my life.
Good bye, Have a nice day!
You have a good start here, but it does need some careful editing. There are several misspelled words, so try running a spell check on it. Your first sentence is not very coherent. I think perhaps you are trying to say, "Making decisions is never easy, especially the ones that are most important in our lives."
Also, "see how not to lost a lot of valuable things in my life clearly" is a bit jumbled. "See clearly" belongs together, and both places you say "lost" you really mean "lose." There are a few other places where the grammar is not quite proper. "I believe that I can get a suitable job to me easily and face up with my life confidently" would be better as "I believe I can find a suitable job and face life with confidence." And I'm not sure I really understand your last sentence, either.
Be sure to read your essay out loud, preferably to a friend, to make sure it makes sense. This is also a good way to make sure commas and periods are correct.
Keep working on it and I'm sure you can improve with practice. You already appear to have conquered "the/a/an"!
Hope this helps!
thanks a lot,
I have checked some mistakes in my essay about spelling, thank you.
but I cannot find where have the wrong grammar, what do you mean? I false in using tenses or constructions?
I have corrected all the places that you have suggested, thanks a lot too.
Would you mind telling me whether I have written my essay right to the topic request?
Because I really feel my essay is still not good for the topic but I cannot rewrite it anymore. I have tried to rewrite it once.
thanks a lot,
and now it is my correction for the last sentence:
I prefer the "opportunity cost" concept to any another tool to apply in where I find doing so is natural.
Do you understand my sentence better?
thanks again, ^.^
I will try to write more and more.
As far as I can tell, your essay is right on target with the requested topic. You took something you learned in economics and applied it to your life. Good job!
As far as grammar, it isn't tenses so much as the way your sentences are constructed. The words are not put together in a way that a native English speaker would write it. For instance, your last sentence is perfect up to this point: "I prefer the "opportunity cost" concept to any another tool" but the rest of the sentence is awkward -- perhaps even more so this time.
I think I know what you are trying to say, but it is not worded quite right -- and you are actually introducing a whole new train of thought at the end when you talk about using the concept when it is "natural" to do so. Try something like this: "I prefer the "opportunity cost" concept to any another tool when making important decisions in my life."
You have the right idea about writing more and more. Keep it up and you will get better and better. You are already well on your way!
Best of luck,
Would you mind indicating for me the places or the phrases sound strange or not correct?
I will re-correct it, thanks?
You have done an excellent job improving your writing! I'd be happy to help you with the few not-quite-right places that remain. I will put the phrases I'm correcting in bold so you can see them better.
In the first sentence, the comma goes inside the quotation mark in "opportunity cost," -- assuming you are writing for an American class; the British would do it the way you did. Put a comma before economics as well as after: my major, economics, has made
In the next paragraph, don't put a comma when you say Opportunity cost is just a way
I think I'd take out my unforgettable memory and just say I often remind myself of when I was young
You need either a semi-colon or period instead of a comma after study: time-wasting to study; I wanted to
Up to now isn't used quite correctly. That sentence would be better as Now, I am an economics student pursuing a degree full-time at a university.
Say I can see clearly instead of it has helped me see clearly
Instead of we ought to be taking (or to take?) not in terms of the cost of it or others, it would be better to use talking or thinking; In other words, take just isn't the right verb there. How about we ought to be thinking not in terms of the cost of something, but the opportunity cost of it.
Say I might earn a lot of money by working instead of much and say face life with confidence.
And I made a typo when I wrote I prefer the "opportunity cost" concept to any another tool. It should have been to any other tool. Sorry for the confusion! You could say another, but it has more impact to say any other.
I'm impressed by your progress!
Best of luck in your studies,
Thank you very much for helping me !
Actually I am trying much to be better in writing,
I have re-corrected all the new things you corrected for me!
I am going to hand in this essay to my teacher through a system.
And I also hope you can help me correct more essay in the next time.
Thanks, Have a nice day!
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Thank you, Sarah!
I have read all, thank you, but never mind, I don't worry anymore, because If having any confuse, I will try to explain after.
And my biggest purpose is can improve my writing ^.^
OK, I have read another material about uncluttered writing, it said that, you should not have above 3 prepositions in one sentence.
Would you mind when I said that though we have corrected my essay together, I will find something that is not correct in uncluttered writing.
Due to my reason above, I can show you a few examples I find still not suitable:
But luckily for me, allowing myself to think in terms of "opportunity cost,"
one of the key concepts I have studied in my major, economics, has made it possible to gain perspective and sanity over some tough decisions.
Opportunity cost is just a way of measuring the true cost of something by looking at your next best alternative.
Sorry, I cannot find the substitues for any propositions in the first, but in the second, may I replace "looking at" by "considering"?
Hope for your help,
You are certainly working hard to improve your writing; that's great! I have to say, I have never heard that "three prepositions" rule before. While it may be a good rule, remember that just because a word CAN be used as a preposition, doesn't mean that that is ALWAYS its function.
In your examples, "allowing myself to think," and "possible to gain," for instance, the word "to" is part of the verb, not a preposition.
I don't feel that any of your sentences are "cluttered" but you may certainly replace "looking at" by "considering"; it does flow a bit better that way.