Evaluate a significant experience, achievement, risk you have taken, or ethical dilemma you have faced and its impact on you. - 500 words max
Launching off of the boat was the most exhilarating feeling I have ever had. I was tied to a parachute and as the boat picked up speed I went up into the air. It was a feeling of flying, of soaring over the pristine ocean. As the sound of the boat drifted away I rose slowly higher and higher above the water. The boat below me seemed to get smaller and smaller while the full Maui coastline came into my view. The peacefulness that I felt was like none I have ever experienced, it truly served as a mind opener. Floating over the ocean, watching the amazing sights of the coast, and soaring across the sky made me feel invincible, that I could do or be whomever I wished to.
My emotions were a mixture of fear, excitement, and more fear. Feeling the wind on my face and the taste of salt water was remarkably incredible. The experience I had parasailing was something I will never forget for multiple reasons. I am surprised that I actually had the stomach to do something like going up 800 feet above sea water with nothing but a piece of rope holding you onto the boat. In all honesty I was terrified at the idea, but watching people seemingly just floating around in the air was something that I felt would no doubt be an incredible experience. I opted to try parasailing simply because I felt it was an opportunity that I couldn't pass, although even up to the last seconds before being lifted I still doubted my ability to remain calm.
Parasailing made me realize my potential, though parasailing might seem like no big deal to some, for me it was amazing. It showed me just how much I can push myself to do something. Before this experience I was already aware of it but I guess I wasn't fully aware of the extent to which I can push myself. I should probably mention that before this experience I was terrified of heights, and that is why it is so important to me. I was able to overcome a fear that has always been with me. Undoubtedly I picked a dramatic way to try to rid myself of the fear I felt, but it worked. My thoughts were to might as well test how far I could take myself.
This accomplishment is important to me because it shows how I am able to overcome obstacles and move on. It made me realize that I am a strong person and that I can deal with problems. Overcoming my fear of heights in such an extreme way I believe is a little humorous. I realize that I could have overcome my fears in a much easier and less audacious way. I also find it ironic how I willed myself to step off of that boat and plunge myself 800 feet into the sky, but often got dizzy when I would look out of a window of a building. In truth I dealt with my fears in a less conventional way, but I came out with a valuable lesson, which is to never second guess myself and to truly believe that I can accomplish whatever I set my mind on.
Critique it!!please!currently over 44 words
The idea you have is really good and the unconventional way of expressing the lesson you learned is very interesting. I liked how you described the way you felt with the parasailing and how it connected to you as a whole. To make it a much more powerful essay I feel like you should take the first paragraph and weave in the ideas of how you felt and what you learned after it. For instance you talked about the fear of heights you could maybe describe:
As the I rose into the sky, my body felt the chill and dizzy fear I had known to well. The bitter pangs of fear struck me as I looked down and noticed my height a dizzying memory even from childhood.
Or you said how you pushed yourself:
My hands trembled as I prepared myself for the launch. I couldn't believe I pushed myself so far to this point.
By kind of combining the descriptive and emotions you give yourself the ability to show your writing and your experience and let the readers experience. This helps cut words out so you can stick to the limit. And you have more room in your last paragraph to give your summarized feelings.
