Unanswered [1] | Urgent [0]
  

Home / Undergraduate   % width Posts: 5


"Mr. Parcher, my seventh grade basket ball coach" - person who influenced me


mgrayson 1 / 2  
Apr 11, 2011   #1
Indicate a person who has had a significant influence on you, and describe that influence:

Mr. Parcher, my seventh grade basket ball coach, has had a significant influence on me. Throughout the years he has also been my Bible and Biology teacher. Most of all he has been my rock and my confidant. Through his guidance he helped me to become a better Christian, a better person, and a better me.

Just through observing him alone, he influences me. Every time I turn around, I see him displaying an act of care, love, or kindness. It is amazing how he makes time for each and every one of us. Making us each feel as though we have his undivided attention no matter how big or small the problem. I find that his demeanor in life inspires me in its intensity for and loyalty to God.

Many times I like to just sit with him before school or after school to just talk about the future. Any subject you approach him with, you can be sure that you will leave feeling enlightened. He has taught me study skills and organization skills that will help me throughout my entire life. I know I can come to him to talk about anything that is on my mind.

I am blessed to have had Mr. Parcher in my life, and I look forward to having a continued friendship with him for years to come. I will always appreciate the way he always strives to reveal the good and light of a situation. I cannot imagine what my high school life experience would have been without Mr. Parcher.
adoran 1 / 1  
Apr 11, 2011   #2
Hi there. My suggestions/corrections will be in red.

A person who has had a significant influence on me is my seventh grade basketball coach, Mr. Parcher. Throughout the years not only has he been my coach, but also my bible and biology teacher, and most importantly, my rock and my confidant.With his guidance, he has helped me to become not only a better Christian, but a better person.

Every time I turn around, I see him displaying an act of kindness or love . It is inspiring how he makes time for each and every one of us -- making us each feel as though we have his undivided attention no matter how big or small the problem. I find that his demeanor in life inspires me with his intensity for and loyalty to God.

Often times I like to just sit with him before or after school to just talk about the future. Any subject I approach him with, I can be sure that I will leave feeling enlightened. He has taught me study and organization skills that will help me throughout my entire life. I know I can come to him to talk about anything that is on my mind.

I am blessed to have had Mr. Parcher in my life, and I look forward to having a continued friendship with him for years to come. (Good)I will forever have appreciation and admiration for the way he strove to find the silver lining of every bad situation. I cannot imagine what my high school life experience would have been without Mr. Parcher, and for that, I am thankful.

I hope this helps! And good luck!
OP mgrayson 1 / 2  
Apr 12, 2011   #3
Awesome! I love it. I don't' need any other responses from our other members. Thank you Ashley Doran.
OP mgrayson 1 / 2  
Apr 12, 2011   #4
Sorry for typo in name: It is Ashly Doran
EF_Kevin 8 / 13,321 129  
Apr 14, 2011   #5
I think the person part is not necessary if you have that me part:
a better Christian a better person and a better me.

I will always appreciate the way he always strives to reveal the good and light of a situation.---you can kill one of these "always"... 2 occurrences of the word is too much... ;-)

Oh, I just noticed ASHLEY'S idea for that sentence, and it is a good one! Very eloquent.
Thanks, Ashley, that is the way to share ideas so we can all improve. I wish everyone helped at EssayForum as much as you did here...

Maribel, if this is for admission, every essay should help your CAUSE. What is your cause? It is to show that you have carefully planned your education and that this school is a necessary part of the plan. That means it is good to draw a connection between parcher and this school (i.e. the way he influenced your plan.)

:-)

I think "rock and confident" might be a cliche...
Anyway, you have a very cool way of writing!! Very cool style. I hope these ideas help...


Home / Undergraduate / "Mr. Parcher, my seventh grade basket ball coach" - person who influenced me
Writing
Editing Help?
Fill in one of the forms below to get professional help with your assignments:

Graduate Writing / Editing:
GraduateWriter form ◳

Best Essay Service:
CustomPapers form ◳

Excellence in Editing:
Rose Editing ◳

AI-Paper Rewriting:
Robot Rewrite ◳