Your personal statement should be no longer than a total of 500 words or 7000 characters for both statements combined. The best personal statements are not necessarily the longest ones.
1. If there has been some obstacle or "bump in the road," in your academic or personal life, please explain the circumstances.
2. How has your family history, culture or environment influenced who you are?
3. Why did you choose to apply to UCF?
4. What qualities or unique characteristics do you possess that would allow you to contribute to the UCF community?
1. At the age of five, my parents filed for divorce; consequently, I have been living with my mother in a single parent household ever since. There was no alimony or child support, and over the years I watched my mother struggle to support my sister, my brother and myself. Ironically my father also divorced his children. I lost the father I had once known, he transformed entirely while trying to deal with the situation. Or perhaps this is who he always was and I had just never seen it. I was forced to endure not only a changing relationship with him, but desertion--a loss far more demoralizing than bereavement. For desertion carries the optimism of reconciliation, and the fear of not being worth enough for that to occur. My father moved to Miami and for twelve years he didn't even have the courage to send his youngest son a birthday card, let alone a phone call. I've been forced to accept a fatherless life, but I do not despair. For this has made me a stronger individual. I know the true feeling of scared; therefore, dilemmas that others might flee from are only mere blemishes to me. Although most kids approach similar situations negatively, I isolate the positives. I see it as an opportunity to grow psychologically and spiritually. It's a chance to cement my position to provide my future children with a better life, giving them the trophy father that every child deserves.
4. Unorganized. A typical characteristic of the average teenager--frantically scavenging through a backpack full of faded papers for last night's homework. Not me, for I am not average. I've grown to realize planning and prioritizing are essential attributes to nurture if success is desired. Even at a tender age my mother always pushed me to do what was needed to be done. There's time for play, and then there's time for learning. The key is simply knowing when to do which. Education always comes first. I do not allow distractions to pierce the concentration of my intellectual growth. Determination and perseverance have molded my character and steered me toward achieving personal goals. I started adolescence as a puny pawn in what seemed like an army of dominant predators in my athletic competitions. I knew I had my work cut out for me. I embarked on a journey in the world of weightlifting. Waking up every day knowing that I had to push myself at the gym with everything I had. The sheer opportunity of succeeding gives me an adrenaline rush far greater than one of an actress before setting foot onstage, motivating me to surpass all expectation.. I have been blessed with many gifts: athletic talent, a strong academic mind, and a loving heart. I have a strong desire to do my part to make this stage of life a better place. In this chaotic world, we must be agents of change. I feel that it is my responsibility, through the UCF community, to share my gifts and use them to their full potential. I trust I can be a valuable asset, lifting others as I myself climb and grow in faith, love, compassion and understanding.
Looking for suggestions, please review, thank you.
I lost the father I had once known, for he transformed entirely while trying to deal ing with the situation.
I understand the style you are trying to achieve with your answer to number four, but it makes a little wordy in the beginging. Remember that although you want to stand out to admissions, they have thousands and thousands of applications to review. Be more direct.
Overall, great job though!
Hey, your essays are great!
I think I only saw one thing, on the second one when you say "towards achieving a few of my personal goals; such as, weightlifting."
If you have room in your word count, you might want to try adding more examples, the "few..such as" made it sound like you were going to name more than one.
Just a thought, hope it helps!
Great usage of vocabulary there as in not big complex words but rather descriptive nouns and verbs that really makes the reader "see" through your eyes. Unlike most applicants' writings, your essays were not that simplistic (though the topic might be and its not a bad thing): they were kinda overreaching towards the readers' emotions and feelings.
Great job, but you should still do some more work 'cause perfection is an illusion.
Maybe you can check out my essay and comment on it: essayforum.com/undergraduate-admission-essays-2/political-conflict-ban gladesh-macaulay-honors-admission-12139/
...been living with my mother in a single-parent household ever since . There was no alimony or child support, and over the years I watched my mother struggle to support my sister, my brother and me.---> in this sentence, I took out some unnecessary details. Unnecessary details make writing less powerful.
I think disorganized might be better, although unorganized is a word, too, I think. However, it seems like neither is very good at the START of that response, because they don't describe you. I thought the whole, long para was going to be all about you being disorganized -- because when you use the word at the start like that, the reader thinks that is what the essay is about.
So... how about an introduction sentence that really captures what the response is all about... and separate it into 2 paragraphs! :-)
