'My parents had the biggest impact on me'; How I was shaped into the person I am today

i need advice on my addmissions essay

Topic:
What was the environment you were raised in? Describe your family, home, neighborhood, or community, and explain how it has shaped you as a person.

parents shaped me as a person

People believe that the environment and the people you surround yourself with is important in someone's life. If we surround ourselves with bad influences we tend to become rebellious and uncaring of our futures. However, being around good influences makes us respectful and want to strive to succeed. I learned a lot through everyone in my life and the environment i was in which shaped me into who i am.

My parents had the biggest impact on who i am today. They've taught me right from wrong and introduced me to life itself. When i was seven they separated, so i lived with my mom majority of my life.My dad on the other hand wasn't really around until my highschool years.Growing up it was always just me, my mom and my two younger siblings. She supported us a lot throughout our lives. Seeing her overcome many struggles raising three kids while keeping food in the house, a roof over our heads and clothes on our backs showed me she was a very strong person. She always told me being independent builds a strong person and that's what she raised me to be.My dad also helped me become an independent person. He was an example of why I need to be independent. He wasn't really there for us financially or physically. He showed me that it is better to depend on yourself rather than others because no one is dependable nowadays. Even though we've had our downs, he was one of the people that taught me to always love and cherish the people around because you never know what tomorrow brings. Ever since then i always lived in the present and was always there for people.

Not only did my parents have an impact on who i am but where i was raised shaped me too. We always stayed in communities and schools where i was a minority. My mom was always afraid of us getting in trouble or being directed into the wrong direction. However, being an African American in a majority white community came with its problems like racism. When i was in the fifth grade i was told i was stupid and wouldn't succeed in life because i was an African American female. Being judged and being told you can't do certain things because of your skin color hurts sometimes. I believed the person who told me that but i was once told, "No one can tell you anything about your color that will change who you are or whether you succeed or not. Success comes from your motivation to succeed in life. Black is beautiful and no one can tell you it's not." Ever since i was told that no one could tell me anything about my race or color. I grew tough skin and no one could take that away from me. Although living in these communities had its downs, I made some good friends that had a positive impact on my life. I met my best friend in eighth grade and we've been close ever since. He's turned me into the loving and caring person I am now. When things went downhill he always saw the positive sides of things and the good in people.

The past seventeen years of my life i have been transformed into a strong, independent, loving and caring person. Although i've had people doubt me and try to motivate me in a bad way, they've made me wanna prove them wrong by wanting to succeed in life. If it wasn't for the people i surrounded myself with i wouldn't be the person i am today.

Hi marsbb22, I aopreciate your essay very much. It really inspires me.

Mars, this is a college application essay. So there is no need for such a formal restatement of the prompt at the start. Rather, it is important for you to create a "hook" or interesting opening statement about yourself that will have the reviewer wanting to read more about you. That is why I am suggesting that you replace your current opening statement with your concluding statement instead. The closing statement would really be more effective as an opening statement because it makes such a strong plea for your case. The rest of the essay is also enlightening but confusing to keep track of because you are constantly shifting from your mother to your father in the same paragraph. The best way to discuss your parent's influence on you is to have you discuss your mother in one paragraph then your father in the next. That way, you will have enough room to thoroughly describe and explain their influence on you. It will also help if you can deliver a statement of how your parents influenced you when you were still a solid family unit. That way, the reader will better understand why, after the divorce, the influence they had on you adjusted to the mode that you describe in your essay. I don't suggest discussing the community anymore since you were only being given options for what to discuss in the essay. Focusing on your family is much better than discussing the community in such a short presentation. Good work though. You were able to properly respond to the prompt statement. All I am suggesting is that we make it even better and more interesting.