Its not long, so I still have room to add. Any advice in what I should go into or stress or combine would be appreciated. :)
My second essay has 227 words, so i guess this essay should be a lot longer. Help?
Describe the world you come from - for example, your family, community or school - and tell us how your world has shaped your dreams and aspirations.
181 words :/
My parents have always stressed the importance of a good education. Growing up in Mexico, they were not given the chance to earn one so they wanted their children to take advantage of the opportunities given here. My dad particularly stressed this, teaching me math and encouraging my English, he helped me in everything he could. Teaching me his favorite past time was just another thing that added to my knowledge.
At first it was just a game, something that was fun to do. Then as I wanted to improve I began to educate myself, not just about the sport, but about the body, about training, and about nutrition. Improvement wasn't just based on practice, but on good habits and healthy living too.
What I want to do in life is learn about these things. To learn how to make people faster, learn how to make them healthier, and learn how to make them feel better. Even though my father never taught me about the sciences, he did nurture my desire to learn, about sports, about life, and about helping others.
Teaching me [needs comma here] his favorite past time[ comma here] was just another thing that added to my knowledge.
In you conclusion, you need to conclude your essay, not summarize your essay.
Maybe in your essay you should talk more about the world you come from, then describe some of the differences between Mexico and where you live now?
Talk more about how you wanted to improve, why you wanted to improve?
Hoped this helped!
