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UC #1 - My parents are my example


mattehww 1 / 1  
Nov 20, 2010   #1
UC Prompt 1
"Describe the world you come from - for example, your family, community or school - and tell us how your world has shaped your dreams and aspirations."

I'm not sure if I should focus more on my passion for chemistry? Help would be appreciated! Thanks!

As the first child in my family born in America, I've known that my life would be different from my parents, who both risked their lives to flee from Vietnam when they were teenagers. Time after time have I asked them to retell their stories of running in the middle of the night to sneak onto small fishing boats to brave the treacherous Pacific Ocean for the United States, the land of opportunity. They escaped with nothing but the clothes on their backs-my mom did not even have a pair of shoes, but their lives are now a daily reminder of what can be accomplished through hard work, dedication, and clear goals in mind.

Until last year, it never hit me just what my parents suffered through and did to build lives for themselves in America. I didn't realize the perseverance my dad had to work full-time during the day, to go to school at night, and to raise a family. He struggled with English and cultural shock, but persisted for eighteen years to earn his Bachelor's degree.

That realization clicked in me a little over a year ago, opening my eyes to the future I had ahead of me, if I was willing to put in the work and effort. For most of high school, I was lazy and unmotivated, and only studied hard because of my parents' unspoken expectations. However, I began to throw myself into my academic studies. I yearned to find my passion that would grant me the same dedication and perseverance my family possessed. I sought to discover what I wanted to do for the rest of my life.

I realized that passion and dream in the chemistry laboratory. I first found inspiration in my chemistry teacher, who helped me to discover a subject I loved, one that I naturally excelled at. For the first time in high school, I began to truly enjoy going to school and learning. I no longer had to be reminded to put away the games and study, as I had found a new source of pleasure, a brand new video game. My family and I were amazed at the marked transformation in my outlook toward school. Now, after three years of lab experiments, I have finally discovered that I fervently want to become a chemical engineer. I have a clear vision of what I want to do with my life: discover breakthroughs in technology that will be able to impact peoples' daily lives.

These dreams however, wouldn't have been possible if I had not had my parents as role models and examples. I was struck by their dedication, commitment, and an unyielding vision of the person they each aspired to be. Seeing how much they had accomplished, from aliens in a foreign country with no possessions, to parents with a home and all they could wish for, made me realize the unlimited potential I have, and gave me the motivation to seek out my own passion and dreams.
alyssalenai - / 2  
Nov 20, 2010   #2
I don't think you need to focus more on science. You make it clear that science has become your passion.
Do you have a specific incidence that emphasized your parents' drive for you to do well in school. Do you remember them ever saying "Get off the couch and hit the books!"

Hope you find this helpful.
OP mattehww 1 / 1  
Nov 20, 2010   #3
Thanks alyssalenai, I'll try and work some incident in
EF_Kevin 8 / 13,321 129  
Nov 30, 2010   #4
I wish you would add a very short sentence, maybe 12 words, to the end of the first paragraph. Let it be a quick sentence that expresses a theme the reader can associate with you. What is the magic word that can be your theme (i.e. pertaining to hard work, dedication, and clear goals)

My favorite part, by the way, is the clear goals in mind. For that reason, I think you definitely should write more about your readiness to master the field of chem. After all, half of this essay is supposed to he the "world you came from" and the other half is supposed to be your "dreams and aspirations."

They want to see your "clear goals in mind."

Also, I think you should change this metaphor to a simile by adding "like":
I no longer had to be reminded to put away the games and study, as I had found a new source of pleasure, like a brand new video game.

:-)


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