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'My parents gave me the best chance' - UC promp #1-parents influence

kabyak 2 / 2  
Nov 29, 2008   #1
please let me know of any grammatical errors and if it flows well enough and makes sense. thanks!

Describe the world you come from ï for example, your family, community or school ï and tell us how your world has shaped your dreams and aspirations.

Like most teenagers growing up, my parents have had great influences on my life and future goals. Their influence though, was more from the sidelines than on center field. They never forced their will upon me or tried to stray me towards their dreams. Their influence was not by trying to steer me like a remote controlled car but instead they let me go in my own direction, making choices for myself. While they have helped me along the way and guided me in the right directions, ultimately, the choice to go down one path or another is mine. Through their trust in me, I have become an independent and driven person, determined to use the opportunities they have given me to make a successful life for myself.

With both of my parents lacking a college education, they have had to work quite hard in the competitive job market to keep a stable life for our family. My mother, being one of the top performers in her field, should have a higher position than she has but she unfortunately lacks one the first requirements for the job, a college degree. I will be the first in my family to go to college, and while this adds pressure for me to be successful, it is exciting for my family and me to see that I will be moving on to better future.

My parents always made sure that they gave me the best chance at becoming who I want and at having a better life. Their guidance has made me determined to get what they never had, an education, and to one day be able to give back to them and others as much as they have given me. My ambitions were created by myself but my parents trust and support is what makes me believe in them. My parents support has encouraged me to make sure I use every opportunity that is given to me and to not take any chance for granted.
EF_Kevin 8 / 13,321 129  
Nov 29, 2008   #2
Just a few things to fix:

They never forced their will upon me or tried to steer me away from my dreams . (you had used the word "stray," which is not quit right.)

Neither of my parents had a college education, so they have had to work quite hard...

My parents' support has encouraged me to

Nice job! Your parents will feel good about themselves if you let them read this.

OP kabyak 2 / 2  
Nov 29, 2008   #3

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