My parents are immigrants from India who grew up in relatively poor conditions - "world I come from"

Prompt: Describe the world you come from; for example, your family, clubs, school, community, city, or town. How has that world shaped your dreams and aspirations?(*) (200-250 words)

Essay: Both of my parents are immigrants from India who grew up in relatively poor conditions. Additionally, both had polio, which resulted in challenging childhoods with physical challenges that continue into adulthood. Despite this, they both pursued engineering careers through perseverance and hard work. I grew up seeing their perseverance both in parenting and maintaining challenging engineering careers. As a result, they influenced me to become perseverant and hard-working myself. Additionally, my parents motivated me academically at a young age through discipline, resulting in me working diligently and productively in schools, performing well. My high school happened to offer many challenging and diverse courses, many of which were in the STEM fields. Furthermore, my parents encouraged me to take university level courses in physics. I took advantage of these opportunities, and quickly became fascinated by the power of the human intellect in areas such as physics. Due to this exposure, I've been self-motivated to delve deeper into learning about the great achievements of the scientific community, and keeping up to date with its ongoing "cutting-edge" progress. The combination of my parents' motivation and my high school and university academic rigor shaped my aspirations that center on pushing the frontiers of scientific knowledge through research.

Rewrite: https://essayforum.com/undergraduate/rewrite-short-word-mit-admissions-world-come-72843/

Arnav, you only 250 words to work with. So don't try to present too much information which cannot be properly developed for your benefit in the essay. Since majority of the data you have presented relate to the world that you and your parents belong to, the world that you share, then you should concentrate on that alone. Mentioning your high school like a mere after thought in a single sentence does not properly develop this secondary world enough to accurately portray its influence upon you. Specially since you seem to suddenly jump from a discussion about your parents then your school then back back to your parents. Just focus on your parents story so that the information that you present becomes clear and fully developed for the reader.