Describe the environment you come from - for example, your family, community, or school - and how this environment has affected or influenced your plans for the future.
To me success is a relative term, to my parents, however, success can only be defined in one way: to not fail, an idealistic viewpoint which was my bane throughout life. I was raised to believe that there is only one way to succeed in life, and that perfection could be achieved. I can't say I strongly disagree with my parents but like all human beings we are not perfect. I am not someone who believes that without hard work you can succeed and that natural ability conquers the determination to prosper, that would just be ignorant, but I do believe each individual has the right to take a journey that defines their own meaning of success.
Throughout my life I was forced to do things I did not want to do and take courses at school which did not please me. However, the constant compelling force from my parents actually pushed me further and helped me to believe that I am capable of controlling my own destiny and have the ability to shape my life the way I want it. Since middle school I was told that the only way to succeed in life was to be a doctor, and to go through rigorous medical school training, I have nothing against this but I believe a person's career defines their character, and my career of choice is business. I've always had an entrepreneurial spirit even though my parents may not know it, that's why I want to be a CEO. My parents can't control my future - no one can - but they can help me attain it.
Parents will be parents, and they are just trying to help me, I can acknowledge this. Indirectly they have taught me that no one can predict the future and we should all live our lives the way that makes us happy, and be successful the way we define it.
Please let me know if it has correct grammar, punctuation, etc. and also if it is organized/fluency and if it stays on topic the entire essay and is on topic with the question asked. Thanks!
The essay stays on topic just fine, no problems there.
I think that the first paragraph needs to be less a long string of clauses and phrases and more broken up into sentences. That will help with the flow.
The vocab is appropriate, too. Nicely done. but I would like to see a revision of the first part.
