Please critique my personal statement and offer me some suggestions on how to improve it. I will edit one of your essays in return.
Prompt: Indicate a person who has had a significant influence on you, and describe that influence.
Growing up, I have been lucky enough to live with both of my parents and my younger sister. My family was upper middle class for most of my life, so my parents were able to pay for all of the activities that I wanted to do. In return, my parents have always expected me to do my homework, but are always ready to help me if I need assistance. They have instilled in me the idea that I should always try my best at everything I do. Therefore I have always strived for good grades, even though I was never explicitly told that I should be getting straight A's. I have found that if I only do something halfway, I regret that I didn't try my hardest.
My parents have always told me that they will support any decision I make concerning my future. For example, I have been passionate about the circus arts for several years, and they have told me that they will support me should I choose to go to circus school instead of college. However, I have decided to gain a college education before deciding what to do with my future. Because I know that my parents will support me no matter what I decide to pursue, I have always felt free to choose whatever path I wish to take. While my friends are choosing their careers based on the amount of money they will make, I am certain that my career will be something I am passionate about.
A few years ago, my father emphasized this point. He was an aeronautical engineer for over twenty years and one day realized that he was tired of his career. He quit his job and returned to school to earn a Masters in Teaching. My father's career change caused my previously middle class family's income to drop to under $40,000 a year. However, even though we aren't as financially stable as before, my family supports his decision. Even though he makes less money, my dad is more content with his career.
The lessons that I have learned from my parents have made me conscious of what I love to do. One of my longstanding interests is biology. My mom knows that I am interested in the sciences, so she encouraged me to apply for the volunteer program at the [city] Aquarium. I applied and was accepted and have now been volunteering there for over a year. I love working with the animals and I enjoy spending my weekends at the aquarium. When I told my friend that I would like to work in an aquarium, she gave me a peculiar look and told me that I should become a doctor. However, I simply shook her comment off and remembered that my mom has always taught me to pursue things I am passionate about. I believe I will choose a career that I enjoy and will never be afraid to follow my passions, wherever they may take me.
Growing up, I havewas lucky enough to live with both of my parents and my younger sister. My family was from the upper middle class for most of my life, so my parentsthey were able to pay for all of the activities that I wanted to do . In return, my parents have always expected me to do my homework. Theyare always were ready to help me at all times if I needed assistance. They My parents have instilled in me the idea that I should always try my best at everything I do. Therefore I have always strived for good grades, even though I was never explicitlydespite never told that I should be gettingwork for straight A's. I have found that if I only do something halfway, I regret that I didn't try my hardest.
My parents have always told me that they will support any decision I make concerning my future . For example, I have been passionate about the circus arts for several years, and they have told me that they will support me should I choose to go to circus school instead of college.When I shared my passion for circus arts with them, my parents stood behind me, supporting the fact I may choose circus school over college. However, I have decided to gain a college education before deciding what to do with my future. Because I know that my parents will support me no matter what I decide to pursue, I have always felt free to choose whatever path I wish to take .
I enjoy reading how strongly your parents feel about pursuing what you love, but I feel the spirit of the essay is lost in many of the grammatical mistakes.
