the values and skills I learned from parents
Growing up, my parents did their best for me. They were there when I needed them, even if they could be distant. Perhaps to the rest of the world my parents may not have been the best, but it is because of them that I am who I am. I would like to consider myself as a very open minded person, and it's largely thanks to my parents, especially my mum. My mum grew up in a village, where she was brought up with a rigid set of rules, causing her to have unique boundaries to certain issues. However, watching her all these years I've been with her, I've seen her growth as a person and how she was willing to look at situations from a different point of view. My dad, already being an open-minded person, has supported her journey and has shown me how he has persevered through their relationship. Both my parents are my biggest influences and have taught me the value of change and perseverance, both skills that I have hopefully taken forward into my life.
I'm not really sure where to go from here, so help would be much appreciated!
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The statement you have written discusses mostly what you admire about your parents. It does not reflect what is most important to you and why. While the title may imply that reference, the actual essay does not. The essay is less about you and more about the background of your parents and their own personalities. How these reflected upon you and why these are important to you are not highlighted properly in the essay. The influence upon you is required in the essay, not their personal backgrounds. For example, you could say that you value your parents because, collectively, they taught you the importance of... As individuals, your father made sure that you understood the value of... while your mother focused on developing your ... character. So together, their influence played a vital role in your life, which is why their presence in your life is important to you.
It seems you have written mostly about aspects of your parents you like and not how their characteristics or personalities has changed you as a person. I think you should add, or maybe replace some parts of your essay, with what your parents characteristics or personalities has benefited you as a person or why those adapted things has made you a better person.
The egg-spoon race. 2008. The sunrays blinded me and brought the heat to my body. The sweat glided down my face, my heart was thumping out of my chest and as the whistle screeched, the egg was in a gentle balance with my body. The thrill was something worth remembering. Not necessarily of a win, but the happiness that the experience brought me. Success has always been a big part of my identity. To me, success means to build yourself from the ground up, use every opportunity you have received, and make yourself independent. Only then with that independence can one truly be happy and therefore successful. Theatre is one of the only things that has made me work to the bone and given me a mixed feeling of purpose and longing. It has made me race after it among my fellow peers, and knowing my self-critical and perfectionistic nature, I know I can only run faster. I know it's silly, but I hope to make a change in the way we view drama, the same way Stanislavski, Artaud, Berkoff did, not only in terms of acting but also in writing. Currently, I've been studying the idea of Cathartic Cruelty Theatre has given a fire that I cannot quench . Strangely that fire brings warmth into my life in the very same way the sun did to me during that egg-spoon race.
I literally have no idea what I'm saying, but I feel this is alright. Any suggestions to improve it? Also, will my posted responses here cause the university to disqualify me for some reason?
What was the prompt for that question?
It has made me race ...
This sentence felt clunky to me. First, I would say "past" or "against" instead of among. Maybe split the sentences. "And knowing my... , I can only run faster."
I hope to make a change ...
I don't know what program you're applying for, but I feel that most times it's better to highlight one person or event that motivates you instead of multiple. If you instead say how Stanislavski's work in particular changed the way you view theatre, it sounds like a more genuine interest. Too many names makes it seem like you're trying to impress them with how many playwrights you know the name of. I would also split the sentence up for readability.
Also, I saw it mentioned somewhere that it's typically one essay question per thread. So you might not get more feedback on this question without posting it as a separte question.
@Callipyge What is important to you? And why? (maximum 250 words)
The egg-spoon race. 2008. The sunrays blinded me and brought the heat to my body. The sweat glided down my face, my heart was thumping out of my chest and as the whistle screeched, the egg was in a gentle balance with my body. The thrill was something worth remembering. Not necessarily of a win, but the happiness that the experience brought me. Success has always been a big part of my identity. To me, success means to be fulfilled. It's to live your life with no regrets over your choices. Theatre is one of the only things that has given me a purpose. It's permanent, yet so malleable. Racing after it over the four years has given me a new perspective on my views, allowing me to think carefully, be more open-minded with scenarios, and allowing myself to improve after serious self-reflection without feeling like a failure. I've always felt like I needed to prove myself by being the best, and every time I've failed to meet that mark, I've had to deal with failure with a toxic mindset. But after coming into theatre, that bar, although still high, does not give me a feeling of pain, but rather, it fills me with fire. The fire pushes me forward and allows me to grow. Strangely, the fire brings warmth into my life in the very same way the sun did to me during that egg-spoon race.
TOTAL WORD COUNT: 238 WORDS
I've implemented the changes suggested. I feel like if I were to talk about Artaud or Stanislavski ( both of whom I appreciate deeply), it may deviate from the point and increase the word count unnecessarily. What do you suggest? Should I bring it up or leave it?
I think your short paragraph is really nice but you have to concentrate on the Subject. It requires "skill" that u have learned from your parents. So you can expand your idea like what you have learned from your mom, and answer the question like what's the best thing she can do that makes you admire ( the different way to see things, etc). Your dad either. (communicate skill, etc)