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"22 Paribagh" - University of Wisconsin


kaif15 1 / 1  
Dec 3, 2011   #1
Prompt 1:The University of Wisconsin values an educational environment that provides all members of the campus community with opportunities to grow and develop intellectually, personally, culturally, and socially. In order to give us a more complete picture of you as an individual, please tell us about the particular life experiences, perspectives, talents, commitments and/or interests you will bring to our campus. In other words, how will your presence enrich our community?

Throughout my entire life I have asked myself "Am I important?". I have always refrained from activities and events where I deemed that my participation will not change the outcome by a major degree.For a community to be enriched anyone brought in must contribute for the betterment of it.

I have spent my entire life in the small neighbourhood of "22 Paribagh". My entire childhood has been surrounded by my cousins for we lived in a joint family. Some people may turn up their noses at the loss of individualism and independence but I would argue that the togetherness it brings along with the utmost of pampering (I being one of the younger cousins) more than tips the scale. It is this togetherness, which I have been taught my entire life, that I plan to bring to the University community.

The Bengali community is one which closely resembles the Indian. This allows me,Bengali by birth, to contribute both to the Indian and Bengali communities at the University. I could work at the "South Asia Summer Language Institute" (SASLI)to teach Bengali since I have been taught how to read and write in Bengali along with the study of various Bengali literature. I could also join the "Indian Student Association"(ISA) since I have travelled to India four times and we share the same heritage. I can cook some of the Indian dishes and am also educated in Indian history.

However the most personal of interests that I will carry to the University will be my interest in soccer and technology as a whole. I have been playing soccer for five years now and have participated in many underground tournaments and also played with the school team. I am an avid reader of tech sites such as "gizmodo" and "engadget" and follow the current tech arena to the day. If there had been any innovations I would most certainly know about it.This passion is what drove me to study science in my high school and further pursue a major in Computer Engineering.

After completing this essay I ask myself again "Am I important?" and I would have to say that the answer would definitely be yes. If I am admitted to the University of Wisconsin I could say without a doubt that I could definitely enrich your community.
EF_Susan - / 2,364 12  
Dec 5, 2011   #2
Throughout my entire life I have asked myself "Am I important"?

I have always refrained from activities and events in which I deemed that my participation would not change the outcome by a major degree. ---Always leave a space between your sentences!

I have spent my entire life in the small neighbourhood of "22 Paribagh".

My entire childhood has been surrounded by my cousins, for we lived in a joint family.

Some people may turn up their noses at the loss of individualism and independence, but I would argue that the togetherness it brings, along with the utmost of pampering (I being one of the younger cousins) more than tips the scale.---Lucky!

It is this sense of unity and togetherness, which I have been taught my entire life, that I plan to bring to the University community.

This allows me,---Don't forget to leave a space after each comma or other punctuation mark.

...Bengali by birth, to contribute both to the Indian and Bengali communities at the University.

I have been playing soccer for five years now and have participated in many underground tournaments, and have also played on the school team.

They'll be lucky to have you as a student! Good luck with school!

:)
OP kaif15 1 / 1  
Dec 5, 2011   #3
Thank you, Susan, for detecting the errors as well as the praise. I was really worried about the essay section of the application and this made my day.


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