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I will be a part of a culturally and intellectually diverse community; Why CMU?


mshi94 1 / -  
Dec 30, 2011   #1
"Please submit a one-page, single-spaced essay that explains why you have chosen Carnegie Mellon and your particular major(s), department(s) or program(s). This essay should include the reasons why you've chosen the major(s), any goals or relevant work plans and any other information you would like us to know."

I have to say, my favorite part about applying to Carnegie Mellon is knowing that if I am admitted, I will be a part of a community of students that aren't afraid to step outside of their cultural and intellectual boundaries. There's a sort of an active spirit to this college that attracts me; it reveals a focused emphasis on removing borders and biases to create a more enlightened, comprehensive college experience, and I'd love to be a part of the willingness of such students to transcend boundaries and explore intellectual territories that they would otherwise not have known existed. Going beyond what is the norm for me is exciting, and at Carnegie Mellon, with its diversified population of students and faculty, I feel as if that can be accomplished. And the fact that there isn't a stress on just one aspect of the student is important to me. Those who run Carnegie Mellon understand that it's crucial to consider the applicant as a whole, not just based on statistics in regards to standardized tests and grade point averages. This plus the environment provided by renowned faculty and a student to teacher ratio that is advantageous to any undergraduate is enough to make anyone consider spending a large majority of his or her schooling years in the opportunity-rich Oakland region of Pittsburgh.

As for my interests, which happen to be English and Economics, I would say that my goal is to combine these two passions into one culminating effort to write the perfect introductory book on economics. To simplify the concepts involved in understanding our market structure with interesting commentary and humor mixed in; that would be a dream come true, seeing as it truly is a representation of how two dreams can be interwoven into one. I've always wanted to introduce an idea to someone, to teach and inform rather than impose and goad. With this challenging but entirely feasible goal in mind, I can set my sights on each and every next step that is required of me in order to attain the fulfillment of this goal, and because to educate in this way is to plant the seeds for a higher understanding of economics as well as an appreciation for language, I would want to put as much effort into this as possible. I want to share my passions so that the passions of others are ignited, not only in the direction of Economics and English, but also so they are inspired to chase their own dreams as well. With my heart in my work, I will be the spark that starts the fire, and I'm sure that at Carnegie Mellon, the students feel the exact same way.

With the advantage of experiencing a smaller motivated community within the College of Arts and Sciences while experiencing the benefits of the large, accredited research university of Carnegie Mellon, I would feel at home while comfortably initiating myself into the "real world". And because Carnegie Mellon students are encouraged to explore and communicate across a range of differing ideas, I would not only be able to invest myself in both English and Economics, but I would also be able to get a taste of other areas of study that I might be interested in. Who knows? I might find sources of new passion in archaeology, psychology, or maybe even in the studies of outer space. Because the College of Arts and Sciences offers so many resources and opportunities to shine, I would be guided along the path to finding myself, and thus, would have a college experience that I would have engineered with my own bare hands. At Carnegie Mellon, I would be in charge of creating my own future.

am i being too vague? should i include more specifics? is anything else wrong? suggestions please. thank you :)
capriciousprite 6 / 20  
Dec 30, 2011   #2
I think some parts could definitely be condensed--try to get the most meaning across in the least amounts of words.

Remember, It's an essay. Right now it has the length/lack-of-personality/point-blankness of a lab write up.
Something I get out of your writing though, it genuineness and honesty, so keep that up!


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