I have already submitted this exact one to UConn and Loyola-Chicago...I need help cutting it to around 300-400 words...
Any help would be awesome!
Still Part of the Team
I have never been picked first in football. I have a total of four career points in my middle-school basketball career. I have never played in the championship game. However, that has not prevented me from participating in athletics today. At Loyola Blakefield, I have been a member of the basketball team for the past three years, serving as team manager and writing as a journalism intern for Digital Sports, a high school sports-specific website. Sports have always been my passion. The problem is that I am not blessed with the athletic traits that many of my friends possess. But I have worked just as hard as the several Division I-bound athletes in my grade; I manage the team or write the story of the game.
I have always been an avid viewer of ESPN and other sports programs. While my friends were outside playing, I was inside watching the game. I analyze the entire scenario like both a coach and player. A person on the sideline notices things from a broader perspective. I would impress my friends with knowledge of sports statistics just as they impressed me with their athletic talent. They can ask me anything: where a specific athlete went to college, how many different teams a head coach had coached for, or how many runs batted in did one athlete have in the month of July. I have been credited as "knowing too much." I take that as a compliment.
Freshman year, I tried out for the freshman basketball team on the first day, only to realize how out-of-shape and talentless that I was. The next day I didn't show up for try-outs. Instead, I went into the head coach's office. He told me that there was a managing position. I accepted eagerly. From that moment on, I would be the manager. Whether it was wiping the floor down before practice, filling up water bottles for the players, keeping statistics, or making copies of rosters, I was pleased to do it.
Additionally, I have built many of my closest relationships through basketball and my journalism ventures. A good portion of them are athletes at my school and other schools that participate in the same conference. They know who I am, and whenever an athlete wants a story done about their commitment to a specific college, they come find me. I have been fortunate enough to deliver news of several athletes who will play in college. One memorable story was on Justin McCoy, a basketball player, who would follow in his father's footsteps and play collegiately at Coppin State University. In addition, I have also written over thirty game stories.
Of the thirteen players on my eighth grade basketball team, only two are still involved with basketball. One plays varsity for his high school, while I manage Loyola's varsity. I touched the floor two minutes a game in the eighth grade, and I now manage. Had it not been for my coaches, I wouldn't have had the chance to be involved in managing or writing for a local publication. Without the inspiration of the athletes and coaches I grew up watching, I would have never been able to feel this thrill. Sports have opened up so many doors for me in my brief seventeen years. Once I enter a university, I will expect to continue my endeavors in sports. The world of sports is vast, and my name will hopefully forever be attached to it.
Good morning.
Here are my changes; they get you down to 399 words, without the title:
I have never been picked first in football. I have a total of four career points in my middle-school basketball career. I have never played in the championship game. However, that has not prevented me from participating in athletics today. At Loyola Blakefield, I have been a member of the basketball team for the past three years, serving as team manager and writing as a journalism intern for Digital Sports, a high school sports-specific website. Sports have always been my passion. The problem is that I am not blessed with the athletic traits that many of my friends possess. But I have worked just as hard as the several Division I-bound athletes in my grade; I manage the team or write the story of the game.
Freshman year, I tried out for the freshman basketball team on the first day, only to realize how out-of-shape and talentless that I was. The next day I didn't show up for try-outs. Instead, I went into the head coach's office. He told me that there was a managing position. I accepted eagerly. From that moment on, I would be the manager. Whether it was wiping the floor down before practice, filling up water bottles for the players, keeping statistics, or making copies of rosters, I was pleased to do it. I touched the floor two minutes a game in the eighth grade, and I now manage.
A good portion of the athletes at my school and other schools that participate in the same conference; they know who I am, and whenever an athlete wants a story done about their commitment to a specific college, they come find me. One memorable story was on Justin McCoy, a basketball player, who would follow in his father's footsteps and play collegiately at Coppin State University. In addition, I have also written over thirty game stories.
Had it not been for my coaches, I wouldn't have had the chance to be involved in managing or writing for a local publication. Without the inspiration of the athletes and coaches I grew up watching, I would have never been able to feel this thrill. Sports have opened up so many doors for me in my brief seventeen years. Once I enter a university, I will expect to continue my endeavors in sports. The world of sports is vast, and my name will hopefully forever be attached to it.
Regards,
Gloria
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