For years,I was part of Team Tanzania.The team was made of teens,ranging from twelve to eighteen years old that had a knack for performing and helping others.We performed at the City of Hope,an AIDS orphanage in Tanzania, and at an orphanage for domestic abuse victims.For Christmas,we performed for the domestic abuse kids and bought each one gifts.Seeing the smiles on their faces was truly enlightening.
We were chosen by our teachers,and by the Phil Simon Clinic.The Phil Simon Clinic is a group of doctors that visited the orphanage in Tanzania.Our main fundraiser for this cause was a performance at the Baldwin Park performing arts center,we raised money from tickets,food,and a silent auction.I was the lead alto singer of the group for the performance,and one of the lead roles in the play.
During the years I was involved,six of us had the chance to go to the orphanage.To figure out who the lucky six were was a long process.We not only had to meet the health and grade requirements but also had to learn Swahili.Everything was going great for me, until the final step.Parental permission was the one test I did not pass.I stayed here in the states and helped with more fundraisers.Throughout my time with the group we raised over $250,000.
Seeing these poor kids with absolutely nothing,changed how I viewed myself and my life.During the process we had pen pals from the orphanage.The girl that I talked to had little to nothing;she had to walk miles for water,no electricity, and no parents.Everything I took for granted,was out of reach for her.To be able to give someone the resources they need for life,is fulfilling.I look back at this experience,and am proud of myself.I could have been spending my time fulfilling selfish wants,but I used my free time to help other people survive.I really do care about helping people,with the only return being the feeling of a good deed.Even though I am not fully involved with the team any more,I would help in a heartbeat even to this day.
You did not say what matters to you. You just detailed some volunteer experience and how it impacted you. Also, if you put this down in the common app as volunteer/activity experience, then you should probably pick another topic.
I love the essay its touching and its shows what kind of person you are but you have to find a way to weave inhow it will be affected by your academics. If they see it theyll think "aawww, what a sweet person" but they wont see how going to their school will help you achieve your goal of helping others. I am not trying to be mean but i just want your essay to be everything they are looking for.Good luck!
Canya plz look at my essays, specifically can you go over the essay on vitality on near the very bottom of my roommate link, its not the roommate essay Try to find any faults in t because saying its good wont give me anything to work with :C. Any help is appreciated :))
I agree with SeniorMel,
and maybe you want to make clear what you performed.
Also you should focus. The part of being selected to go, preparing and then not going is not focused enough.
I would appreciate feedback on my essay.
Nice essay!!! It would be even stronger if you can focus on a movement that you had in the course of the team. Hope that helps.
Can you take a look at mine?
great topic. but i agree with the first poster. there isn't really a point where you talk about why it matters to you. maybe focus on that?
if you have time PLEASE look at my WHY RICE supplement. thanks
