Part time job at Softmedia Systems; common app (work experience)

Elaborate on work experience(1000 character limit). PLEASE HELP. I HAVE NOTHING MORE TO WRITE. PLEASE GIVE ME SOME INPUTS

For the past four years, I have been working part time for Mr. N. J. Basha. It is a part time job in a local retail and real estate company named Softmedia Systems. I have been working here since the 9th grade. My job has entailed little or no responsibility as I was deemed too young to shoulder any. Yet, my keen interest in my environment pushed me to study the local economy and design new marketing policies and post advertisements, for the company. My work then gained me an insight into the nuances of business. In 2010, impressed by my proposals, my employer paid heed to my advice and has decided to work upon my suggestion of starting a micro finance division.

I bring with me ingenuity and keen eye for observation, which shall help me, contribute in the growth of the institution to which I belong. Your university with its world renowned faculty, labs, societies and clubs shall take me a step forward in my endeavor.

Hi, I've read your essay carefully and I think your experience is great! But there's couple things I think could be improved. I think you used too much characters on background information. I would like to read more about how you did not about what you did.


more specifically describe what make you say that.

hopes it help a bit:)