Promtp: The Latin words, "Vires, Artes, Mores" have been the guiding philosophy behind Florida State University. Vires signifies strength of all kinds - moral, physical, and intellectual; Artes alludes to the beauty of intellectual pursuits as exemplified in skill, craft, or art; and Mores refers to character, custom, or tradition. Describe how one or more of the values embodied in these concepts are reflected in your life.
No longer than 500 words
Please be brutally honestt
A perfect circle. When I was younger, and I would write my last name, I would keep erasing the ''O'' until I got it perfect. I would always decorate my name on papers because I simply thought my name was too bland. ''Artes'' means the definition of undiscovered beauty, in my opinion. It can be found in a flower, or how you design your own room.
Throughout elementary school, drawing...
and after edits:
I completley redid the whole essay:
A well-rounded student is not just a person who can memorize the first 100 numbers of pi, or one who can recite the Preamble of the Constitution from memory. A student who benefits the most is one who has different but equal abilities in school and out. The FSU motto of ''Vires, Artes, Mores" is a complex definition that inspires others to challenge themselves and do the impossible.
Artes have defined me ever since I was little. As a child, I would love taking leaves in the fall from the frontyard and pressing them in books. Throughout elementary school and junior high, I grew a love for scrapbooking and collecting stickers. In art class one day, we were told to draw an Egyptian theme on color scratch paper. I decided to draw a shephard and a sheep, turned it in to my art teacher, and she chose to put it in the local art show. To this day I still have over 1000 stickers and plan on scrapbooking the rest of my high school memories. Looking back, I don't remember how mine was chosen, because I randomly drew a disco ball over the shephard's head. Another skill I took on was music. I wanted to learn how to play the piano, and my friend suggested her piano teacher, and I automatically signed up. 7 years later, I love playing piano and entertaining others. I also joined chorus in 7th grade when I moved to Florida. The teacher became an instant favorite, and always told us when we are singing, to ''Squeeze the Val-nut!" I continued chorus into high school, and every year we go to Disney to sing on Christmas, my favorite time of the year.
My greatest achievement has been my strengths. Vires has been taught to me through my family and friends and the support will always continue. They have always taught me to never give up, and that I can do anything. In high school, they convinced me to join the AICE academy there, meaning I would be taking more rigorous, college-level courses. I would not trade the experience I have had for the world and I thank them for pushing me. Instead of just challenging my intellectual skills, I also increased my physical skills. I joined the cross country team, and running in the Florida weather everyday I believe is my own accomplishment. Our coach told us ''If you ever have to stop, slow down and keep running, but never walk.'' That advice carried me on when I ran in the Gate River Run. I saw people in weird costumes- a running hot dog, and a running banana; but I saw many firemen and it made me proud for our country.
To be selected for Florida State University, I believe you have to have more than just brains. I am glorious to hold characteristics that have shaped me, and I believe the place for them and me to grow is at Florida State.
Well...to be completely honest, I don't see how the scrapbooking and crafts relate to the grades and the track team. And also, the question of the essay is not really answered. You just throw in at the end a little mention about vires and artes. It might be better if you gave solid examples within the body of your essay of how these words relate to you.
Nice intro! I think you can add a short sentence at the end that mentions your main idea. Is there a special word that captures the main idea of your essay? Get that word in a short sentence at the end of the first para.
Use a comma:
Our coach told us, ''If you ever have to ...
Artes have defined me ever since I was little. --- people say this too often in admissions essays. Can you give a sentence that, in a clever way, shows the reader that art has been your thing since you were little? 'Show, don't tell'
I don't like this sentence:
My greatest achievement has been my strengths.
I like this sentence a lot, and I like the rest of the paragraph:
Vires has been taught to me through my ... excellent examples. You explained it very well, too.
Okay, so go back to the beginning, and see if you can identify the main theme of the essay. The introduction should include a sentence that tells a clever idea that the reader will remember.
