Hello all on Essay Forum. It would be great if you could provide me with some feedback on my essay. Thanks! If you have an essay you would like to me look over, just post the link and i will be happy to.
Prompt: : Johns Hopkins offers 50 majors across the schools of
Arts & Sciences and Engineering. On this application, we ask you to identify one or two that you might like to pursue here. Why did you choose the way you did? If
you are undecided, why didn't you choose? (If any past courses or academic experiences influenced your decision, you may include them in your essay.)
Professor Lander of MIT, who contributed greatly to the success of the Human Genome Project, stated in a 2001 one lecture that information obtained about the code of the humane genome is a "parts list. A Boeing 771 has over one thousand parts. Having a parts list doesn't tell you how to put it together or how it flies". Now that the three billion letter code of the human genome has been sequenced, the next challenge will be to figure what words, sentences, and paragraphs these words spell, and how to use them create new narratives on human life. This is the challenge that faces my generation of scientists, and is a challenge that I plan to partake in. It is for this reason that I wish to pursue a BS in molecular biology.
I believe that Johns Hopkins University is the ideal university for me to study biology because of the intensive coursework, undergraduate research opportunities, and the low student to faculty ratio in the Zanvyl Krieger School of Arts and Sciences . The fact that JHU requires its undergraduate biology majors to complete two semesters of guided reasearch is very appealing to me, because I believe that these opportunities would be both interesting and a good way to apply the knowledge that I would learn in the classroom. A large amount of research opportunities are actually posted on the JHU biology departments website, and this type of active scientific community is something that I would love to be a contributing member of.
"good way to apply the knowledge that I would learn in the classroom"
That sounds awkward to me. I think maybe "knowledge I would gain in the classroom" works better, because I think it sounds strange to say you learned knowledge.. knowledge is something you gain, not learn.
Other than that, this is a good essay. Definitely well-written. Just one thing that bothers me is that it doesn't really jump out at me. I feel like anyone could have written this essay - even me. Maybe if you made it more personal, it would jump out more. For example, the first paragraph is almost all about someone else's words. Perhaps you could add a bit more about how the quote relates to you there, rather than simply restating and explaining the quote.
i think you should correct what others said above.
Overall, its well written but it doesnt really have a spark to it.
agree with ivygirl.
try to make it a lil more exciting?
large amount of research opportunities are actually posted on the JHU biology departments website, and this type of active scientific community is something that I would love to be a contributing member of.
I dont really think you should include anything about the website. This sentence sounds a little wierd to me so I suggest you change it.
Good luck on your essay and everything else you do.
Please read my essays if you have time.