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passion for business, international diplomacy/Penn(Wharton) Sup; Engage academically?

hellogoodbye 2 / 20  
Dec 29, 2012   #1
Penn education provides a liberal arts and sciences foundation across multiple disciplines with a practical emphasis in one of four undergraduate schools: the College of Arts and Sciences, the School of Engineering and Applied Science, the School of Nursing, or the Wharton School.

Given the undergraduate school to which you are applying, please discuss how you will engage academically at Penn. (300 words)

With a passion for business, international diplomacy, and language, I see no limits to the academic opportunities available to me at the University of Pennsylvania. The immense scope of courses available at Wharton investigates every crevice of business, and the schools multi-faceted curriculum allows me to explore my diverse academic interests. As an immigrant, I am drawn to the global economy, specifically the rapid economic expansion in China. I hope to conduct research, for example, to examine the effects of China's one child policy on the growing middle class. Valuable facilities such as the Penn Institute for Economic Research will accommodate and foster these aspirations.

In addition, at Penn, I hope to become actively involved with the Penn Society for International Development (PennSID). As someone passionate about global issues, specifically humanitarian relief and government, PennSID allows me to learn about the various international development initiatives occurring around the world through events such as the Rally for World AIDS Day and the Penn Development Conference. Later in my undergraduate years, I hope to become an organizing member and apply the event planning skills that I have developed as a Student Trustee.

Last, I am particularly interested in one of Wharton's Study Abroad programs to Lyons, France because of its immersive French environment and focus on both business and the liberal arts. Having studied French for nine years, I am eager to build upon my language skills, as well as develop a holistic understanding of European culture and its business climate.

Overall, Wharton is an institution where I can flourish with students who are equally passionate about making an impact. By exposing me to a full spectrum of available resources, the Wharton undergraduate program will improve my analytical capacity and literacy in economics and prepare me for a career in the global marketplace.

Ben Franklin once said, "All mankind is divided into three classes: those that are immovable, those that are movable, and those that move."

Which are you?

(Please answer in 300-500 words.)

Born in Chengdu, a diverse city on China's mainland, I spent the majority of my childhood moving between the cities of Chengdu, Shenzhen, and Hong Kong. Travelling constantly between rural and urban settings opened my eyes to the nature of cultural diversity, from the small, ramshackle apartments of Chengdu to the cosmopolitan cityscape of Hong Kong. Unlike the parents of many of my peers, my mom and dad encouraged travelling from a young age. They believed that exploration of the world would instill in me a sense of independence and self-sufficiency that could not be gained elsewhere. While some may be quick to criticize their laissez-faire attitude, these opportunities to step outside my comfort zone instilled in me a global perspective.

I have cruised down the Seine River, heard my screams echo atop Mount Titlis in the Swiss Alps, and bargained in the Grand Bazaar of Istanbul, experiencing the richness of the arts, food, and natural vistas our world has to offer. However, no experience can compare to when I travelled to Wenchuan following the 2008 earthquake. After spending a week with my family assisting in the restoration of a school, I witnessed firsthand the cultural differences that existed betweetn me and the children who lived in this small village. While I spent my free time watching movies and playing on my iPad, their only source of entertainment were rocks and origami constructed from newspapers. While I complained about homework, these children carried the responsibility of attending school, working in the fields, and taking care of their elders. I realized that not everywhere is a reflection of the prosperous West and I left Wenchuan with a new found appreciation for my comparably lavish lifestyle. Travelling has given me a global education that cannot be gained from reading books, and drawing from my travels, I hope to share my experiences with those I meet at Penn.

The nature of movement also reflects a person's willingness to take initiative. Those who are immovable are unmotivated and those who are able to move are motivated but do not seek action. Throughout high school, I have always sought to become actively involved in committees on which I sit, not just as a general member, but rather as a leader who plays an active role in initiating change. For example, as a Student Trustee, I saw paper frivolously wasted on Board meeting agendas and other publications at the [school board here]. Responding to this concern, I spearheaded a paperless Board Office, saving $20,000 annually, making a significant environmental and financial impact. My leadership experience has taught me to try to tackle issues - no matter how big or small, and at Penn, I will continue to be a committed and proactive member of every club I join, from Penn AppĂŠtit to the Penn Undergraduate Assembly.

All in all, I love living a dynamic life that keeps me on my toes. I've come to embrace the idea that the only certain element of my life is change. In my belief, to remain static is to remain close minded. To be a global citizen in our ever changing world, one must be adaptable and recognize that movement, both physical and mental, is what allows us to grow. Penn seeks assiduous, ambitious, and tenacious individuals, and with my experiences in travel and leadership, I am all three. Where immovability is stubbornness and the ability to move is passivity, I am a mover, always willing myself toward the next destination.

enigma33 2 / 44 3  
Dec 29, 2012   #2
I think the first essay is spot on, you specifically go into why you want to wharton. It is the second one, however, that I don't like. Barring the last sentence you didn't state which type of person you were. I think it'd be better if you go I am movable because da da da and I am immovable because da da da instead of expecting the reader to piece it up as it got confusing at times. You also took too much time to give us an indication about which type of person you are and it broes the reader. Remember this is an admissions officer that has thousands of other essays to read through, the last thing you want to make him is broed.
admission2012 - / 481 90  
Dec 29, 2012   #3

As many here know, not only am I an Alumnus of Penn, but I also served as an admissions officer there. Because of this, I am always try to respond to Penn inquiries here. Unlike most questions asked by most top programs, there is a right answer to this question. Penn is looking for a specific answer. While I cannot tell you what that is, I can tell you that you did not respond on the level that Penn is looking for. The things that you have listed in your first essay can be found at any top undergraduate business program in the country. Why Penn? You should narrow your essay to focus on the resources that make Wharton --Wharton. - AAO/final-check

Hope this helps.
OP hellogoodbye 2 / 20  
Dec 29, 2012   #4
This question being the 'move' question?
sakura741 - / 7  
Dec 30, 2012   #5
While some may be quick to criticize their laissez-faire attitude,

I'd prefer 'this laissez-faire attitude'.

I saw paper frivolously wasted

Perhaps 'wasted frivolously'?

Wow, this essay is really good! The above comments are merely my personal preferences, I see no real need to change anything. Good luck, and if you have time, please look at mine was well!
xphyllisx 6 / 22 1  
Dec 30, 2012   #6
Really Love this essay! And you went straight to the point, which readers will appreciate.
Just one thing sounded funny to me, you say laissez- faire attitude

Laissez-faire = economic environment in which transactions between private parties are free from tariffs and government subsidies

Im not sure thats the word you should use. But overall your essay really reflected your personal character!
503dannyk 8 / 25 1  
Dec 30, 2012   #7
Great essay! Really reflected who you are, where you come from, what you've done and how you can contribute to the community of Upenn. Great job.

Also, I have to disagree with the person above. Laissez-fair attitude works there. It means an attitude where you do not get involved in other people's activities or behavior.

Best of luck.

P.S. Please look at my BU essay. I put up a new version.
alicederp 10 / 56 4  
Dec 30, 2012   #8
Hi there,

"Responding to this concern, I spearheaded a paperless Board Office, saving $20,000 annually, making a significant environmental and financial impact." Except for that I think this is a great essay that personalizes the prompt and also shows you have knowledge of the school.

Would you please look at my common app essay?

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