I have a passion for the construction industry that has led me to Texas A&M University. I feel in my heart that your university is the next great step in my future and I have worked diligently to make my dream a reality. I've seen long nights and hard days in an effort to fulfill a life accomplishment. My goal is that you, the people that hold my cherished vision, will accept my efforts.
I have excelled as the construction manager for a large residential construction firm, Pyramid Homes. My duties included overseeing the construction of homes in three subdivisions along with building custom homes scattered throughout East Texas. I love taking a set of plans, a piece of the earth, some building materials, and producing a highly energy efficient home for an individual to make their own memories in and treasure. I have proven to complete homes on schedule, within budget, and create the desired finished product. Other duties included assisting with the designing of the plans, managing a labor crew (aside from subcontractors), taking care of rental properties, overseeing the development of the subdivisions, and many more. Also, I assisted the owner of the company in marketing his business by representing the firm at events conducted by the Tyler Chamber of Commerce, Women's Council of Realtors, and BScene Magazine just to name a few.
I have established myself as a respectable member of the building community where I live. I have served on the education committee of the local builders association and taken the valuable time to enhance my construction knowledge through courses offered through the National Association of Homebuilders. I secured my designation of Certified Green Professional and will have completed my designation of Certified Graduate Builder by the time I enroll. I have set-up, marketed, and taught several classes to realtors in the area on green building practices. I believe that realtors having a fundamental understanding of what elements are needed to produce a home that is certified gold level green through the NAHB is critical to the selling of the home. I worked with a group called A Circle of 10 to bring 2009 energy code training, taught by Texas A&M, to the East Texas Area. This work consisted of securing a location, finding co-sponsors, media relations, along with taking the classes myself. I have served as a member of the International Code Council East Texas Chapter, which has strengthened my knowledge of the code and assisted me in creating better communication with inspectors.
It should be noted that I accomplished all of these feats while maintaining my grades at Tyler Junior College and supporting my wife and two children. I take great pride in being a father and would like to provide a good example for them to follow. It is well known that Texas A&M has a great tradition behind the university and it is my hopes that I can become a part of that, while at the same time create a tradition of my own within my family. I have aspirations of becoming a university professor and helping others in the construction industry accomplish their goals. I would also take satisfaction in owning a small home building company in the future. Henry J. Kaiser, a famous industrialist, once said, "Live daringly, boldly, fearlessly. Taste the relish to be found in competition - in having put forth the best within you." I feel that I have done that in applying to Texas A&M University.
Any help with content and grammar would really be appreciated.
the actual content is really well thought out, i really like how you gave examples and the things you have actually done...
If you have some free time please check out my three essays... please help me out with specific things (give me examples of things i can actually add or take out!!!!) thankyouuuuu
Hi Sean,
Let's make it subtler here:
My goal is that you, the people that hold I hope the people who can empower me to realize my cherished vision will accept my efforts.
I have excelled as the construction manager for a large residential construction firm, Pyramid Homes, and this is relevant to what I am talking about because _______.----This is how to tighten up the presentation.
continue: ...My duties included overseeing the construction of homes in three subdivisions along with building custom homes scattered throughout East Texas. I love taking...
I have established myself as a respectable member of the building community where I live, and I am using this topic sentence to introduce this paragraph because it supports the theme of my essay.... ----Every time you start a paragraph, link it to the main idea of the paper, which is expressed in the introduction.
You should always stay mindful of your theme, and relate every paragraph to that main theme when you write your topic sentence.
:-)
It should be noted that I accomplished all of these feats while maintaining my grades at Tyler Junior College and supporting my wife and two children, and I earn the right to include mention of this in the essay by making a connection between this observation about my accomplishments and the THEME I established to make this essay memorable.
This is already very impressive; I was just trying to share an insight about the usefulness of a theme to which all supporting ideas relate.
