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'Passion and demand for business' - u of m-what led me to major in business?

sting1000 3 / 3  
Oct 23, 2009   #1
I have always felt an intimate attachment toward the field of business. The dream of majoring in business has fascinated me not only for the abundant opportunities it offers but also its practicality. Furthermore, the demand for business majors is skyrocketing as the years pass by.

I am well aware that majoring in the field of business is as straightforward as people may think it is. There are more occupation opportunities in business than almost any other fields. For example, business majors can choose to specialize in accounting, finance, human resources, marketing, non-profits, real estate or any other industry that relate to business.

The practicality of business makes its principles useful in almost every aspect of organization, regardless of its industry. Individuals with profound knowledge in the field of business are not only poised to start their own business but they also possess the necessary skills and abilities to become successful personnel in the industry of their choice.

The demand for business majors will always be high since there are endless numbers of career opportunities available to those intellects with deep comprehension in the field of business. Employers in various industries seek individuals who have been trained to organize, work as a team and manage within an organization.

Majoring in business has been a passion of mine since I was young. With its mesmerizing vocational opportunities, it is one of the most wonderful majors available for college students including me. Also, since business touches almost every aspect of our lives, profound understanding of it will grant me the ability to perceive how our economy works. Lastly, the rising demand for business majors makes the field of business an especially enthralling area of study.

Comments please. Thank you!

hotsaucegrl 6 / 15  
Oct 23, 2009   #2
i feel like your last paragraph should ..maybe be your first?
and it seems sort of listy. like 1. why business 2. what is business 3. what about business

you might want to put more of yourself into the essay instead of facts and figures;
almost like you can change business to a dif. major and it'd still make sense...

i think your sentence structure and everything is fine, just sounds a little stiff thats all!
longyue 1 / 17  
Oct 23, 2009   #3
I think the main problem is that your statement is too general. It could be written by anyone,but not only you. So how can the admission officer feel your intense motivation to major in the field? He might not have the curiosity to read it all. You indeed need to add something personal and strongly felt, which only belongs to you.

By the way, your structure is pretty clear.that's a good thing.

Take whatever you think is helpful.

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